The drug Gardasil--a vaccine from Merck & Co. Inc. manufactured to inoculate women against HPV and cervical cancer--is possibly killing women instead.

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control (CDC) website, the CDC's Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) "is a national program of CDC and the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that monitors the safety of vaccines after they are licensed." This department has received 7,802 complaints about adverse effects resulting from Gardasil.

Of these complaints, the CDC website maintains that only 7% were complaints of serious adverse side effects, defined "by the Code of Federal Regulations as adverse events involving hospitalization, death, permanent disability, and life-threatening illness."

Oh, well, never mind, only 7% . . . but wait a minute, 7% of 7,802 is 546! 546 women who were maybe hospitalized, permanently disabled, or killed as a result of this drug! That seems like kind of a lot, though according to the CDC website, 12 million women received this vaccine between 2006 and 2007. 546 out of 12 million might be statistically a very small percentage, but it still seems to me like too many, so I want to know more.

The CDC's website offers that it received 15 reports of death and 31 reports of something called Guillain-Barré Syndrome (GBS), "a severe neurological disorder [that] causes increasing weakness in the legs and arms that can be severe and require hospitalization" (Citation). Okay, that's 46 reports that we know about now; so what were those other 500 out of 546 serious adverse side effects complaints about? Hm, no mention of those anywhere on the CDC's site.

Merck's website says, "Merck has analyzed the adverse events reported for GARDASIL relating to the recent reports of death and paralysis, and based on the data available to Merck, believes that no safety issue related to the vaccine has been identified." Well, are they looking at the same totally meaningless and spotty data as I am on this CDC website? If they have a better report, why can't I see it? Upon further digging, I find what the VAERS website calls "reporting data." Ah, excellent!

So I open up this little gem, and guess what? There is absolutely no statistical integrity in this document whatsoever. Look at it! It's a single-columned mess! (UPDATE: Someone below alerted me to the fact that the commas were separating the columns, but after separating the columns out, my faith is not any more boosted in the data; see comments below.) This particular spreadsheet is all vaccine reports--not just reports for Gardasil--from 2007. Hey math folk out there; how would you like to get this document from your boss and be told to make sense of it? Imagine your boss handing you this, and saying, "Give me a report on the serious adverse side effects mentioned in this spreadsheet about Gardasil." Haha!

. . . except not so much haha, because presumably, that's what Merck did--some employee of Merck's company was handed the "reporting data" document by his/her boss and told, "Analyze this, and tell me if you think there's a safety issue with Gardasil." Apparently, the employees at Merck are so magical that s/he was able to do that, no problem, and now there's no reason to do any follow-up investigating, and we're all safe, and we should just shut up about it. I feel better already!!

So going back to the CDC website, they tell us, "VAERS received 15 reports of death following Gardasil vaccination in the U.S. Only 10 reports contained the level of information adequate for further analysis. After careful review of those reports we could not establish the causal relationship between vaccination and death. For the remaining 5 reports of death, we were unable to obtain any patient identifying information; therefore we could not confirm death outcomes."

O.K., "10 reports contained the level of information adequate for further analysis" and "the remaining 5 reports of death [. . .] were unable to [furnish] any patient identifying information; therefore [you] could not confirm death outcomes." WHAT?? So, in other words, "Five women died, and we couldn't locate 'em afterwards, so screw 'em." "The level of information adequate for further analysis" is apparently, what, a name and address?? The inability to "establish a causal relationship" is based on what now? Presumably, there are reports on those inquiries; where are they? Who performed these follow-up investigations? Where is their jumbled mishmash of totally useless data?

This whole thing stinks to high heavens. Follow this link if you or someone you know has experienced harm as a result of Gardasil.

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“If it feels this good,” the old joke goes, “it’s got to be bad for you!” But does it?



In the case of two favorite feel-good indulgences, it’s just not so. Masturbation and chocolate feel good and provide a load of benefits. On this Valentine’s Day, in the spirit of self-loving, let’s look at the things these two favorite indulgences have in common:

Both are loaded with social stigma.
Both masturbation and chocolate are favorite indulgences of many women. (After all, studies have show that an estimated 89 percent of women will masturbate in their lifetime and I personally suspect that the women who make up the other 11 percent live in red states and are afraid to admit it.) However, lots of women nibble chocolate in private and masturbate in the dark. In some circles, publicly eating chocolate is tantamount to admitting you’re throwing all diet caution to the wind. And many women think masturbation is only for desperate times when they’re without a partner. Research is showing we’d be happier and healthier with more of both. What better time than Valentine’s Day to celebrate the two?

Both are great for your heart and your health.
Recent research has found that cocoa and other chocolates may keep high blood pressure down, your blood flowing and your heart healthy. Substances in found in chocolate (at the highest levels in dark chocolate) called flavonoids, may help keep our blood platelets from sticking together and our arteries from clogging. (The way that cocoa powder and chocolate syrups are manufactured removes most of the beneficial flavonoids.) Likewise, orgasm (achieved with a partner or through masturbation) will provide a light aerobic workout, burn calories, and lower blood pressure. There’s some evidence that a hormone called oxytocin, released during orgasm, may help to prevent breast cancer.

They’ll both make you feel happier, relaxed, and loved.
During orgasm, the body releases a chemical called PEA (phenylethylamine), and this substance is also found in small amounts in chocolate. PEA can create the feeling of being in love. It is also the reason both masturbation and chocolate can give us an energy kick and a mood boost. PEA increases attention and activity in animals and was shown, in one study, to relieve depression in 60 percent of depressed patients.

Additionally, chocolate also contains anandamide, an antidepressant compound that binds to the same receptors in the brain as marijuana and produces a slight feeling of elation. Anandamide is also produced naturally in the body, and other chemicals in chocolate slow the breakdown of this chemical, prolonging its effects. Two more chemicals in chocolate, theobromine and tryptophan, both contribute to an enhanced sense of well-being.

There is also a small amount of caffeine in chocolate, although it should be noted that an ounce of milk chocolate only contains as much caffeine as a decaffeinated cup of coffee.

They'll give you an endorphin high.
The sweet taste of chocolate can trigger the release of chemicals called endorphins. Endorphins are also released after orgasm and can help to boost mood and decrease our sensitivity to pain. They are thought to be involved in controlling the body’s response to stress. This is the reason masturbation has been shown in several studies to be an effective depression fighter.

While the chemicals in chocolate often make people feel relaxed and happy but alert, masturbation is an effective (and pleasant!) cure for insomnia.

Additionally, masturbation can relieve menstrual cramps and fight yeast infections by increasing blood flow to the pelvis, strengthen pelvic muscles (resulting in increased orgasmic response), and help to balance reproductive hormones, which may ease the symptoms of PMS and menopause.

So with all the things masturbation and chocolate have in common, it seems they might be best in combination:

Italian researchers found that women who eat chocolate regularly have a better sex life than those who deny themselves the treat. Those consuming chocolate reported the highest levels of desire, arousal and sexual satisfaction.

Urologists from a hospital in Milan questioned 163 women about their consumption of chocolate as well as their experience of sexual fulfillment. They concluded:

“Chocolate can have a positive physiological impact on a woman’s sexuality."

Masturbation can too.

It can boost sexual self-confidence, and in turn, self-esteem. Masturbation provides a readily available sexual experience devoid of social stress and the pressures of pleasing another. It can be a method of self-exploration that will enhance a partnered sexual experience. In short, if you don’t know what pleases you and feels good, how will you be able to show someone else?

So, for the sake of your health, take that box of Valentine’s chocolates and head off to have some private time!

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Recently, on a local women’s forum, someone posted an anonymous request for advice.

Fighting off my urge to answer it there, I realized that this would be a relevant health topic for Lesbiatopia, a forum where more women will read it, and hopefully benefit.

This was her query:

“I'm dating someone new who just doesn't get wet when we have sex. She says she never has with anyone and that it isn't related to her desire. If I go down on her, she comes with no problem, but otherwise she has to use lots of lube. Is there anything we can do about this? Like a change of diet or anything? Or should I just get over it and use lube?”

There are two different things at work in this question. The first is about the reason the new girlfriend may not be lubricating, but underlying that question, there seems to be lube-a-phobia on the part of the woman asking.

Let’s address the two things in order.

Women lubricate at different rates. Sexual responsiveness is highly individualized. Wetness is not always an indicator of arousal or ability to respond sexually. That said, changes in lubrication should be noted for health reasons like any other change in bodily function. A sudden decrease in your body’s ability to lubricate can be an indicator of a vaginal infection or other condition and warrants a trip to your health professional.

Emotional discomfort can have an effect on lubrication. Feeling embarrassed, shy, or unsafe can affect a woman’s ability to relax and get turned on. So can external stress factors (job, family, money, etc.) and exhaustion.

The most common reason for women not lubricating during sex is lack of foreplay, or a need for more stimulation. There’s a double-whammy here, because manual stimulation – even externally – can be uncomfortable, even painful, for some women when they’re dry. Painful stimulation can adversely affect their ability to begin lubricating, and a vicious cycle begins.

This is one situation where a few drops of lube, applied externally, can really help to get the old ball rolling. Faster, more direct and to the point: Lick your fingers.

Saliva, of course, should only be used as a lubricant if you’re fluid-bonded with your partner. If you’re using dental dams and gloves, an appropriate lube (more below on what’s appropriate when) will make things go much more smoothly.

For some women, that initial jumpstart is all it takes to get their internal juices flowing.

Others, however, may need assistance with lubrication all along the way.

A woman’s ability to lubricate can potentially be affected by changes in her hormones, medications, personal habits, diet, and stress level.

Varying levels of hormones can affect a woman’s wetness. Menopause is a classic time for changes, as is the post-partum period and during breastfeeding. In fact, anything that changes hormone levels could potentially affect lubrication, including hysterectomy and invasive procedures, medical conditions, and nutritional supplements. Reduced lubrication can be linked to low levels of estrogen, and it’s easy to have your estrogen levels checked by your physician or nurse practitioner.

Many medications can potentially reduce lubrication including antihistamines, cold pills, birth control pills, appetite suppressants, diuretics, testosterone supplements, and anti-depressants.

The use of harsh detergent cleansers can irritate delicate vaginal tissues and have an effect on lubrication. Likewise, many bubble bath and bath salt preparations can be irritating, no matter how pretty they smell, and relaxing they feel.

Super-absorbent tampons may reduce a woman’s natural secretions, and many women find a dab of lube beneficial during their menstrual cycle. (Not to mention a quick way to ease cramps!)

It’s hard to find evidence linking diet to changes in lubrication, but it stands to reason that a very low-fat diet, especially one low in the “good fats” like olive, fish, and nut oils, may have an adverse effect. Dehydration, which can be a result of exercise, heat, and over-consumption of caffeine and alcohol, will affect your body’s ability to produce fluids. (So while alcohol is a social lubricant, it’s not a personal one!)

On the subject of food, I have to say, food makes a lousy lubricant. Honey, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, fruit, and other legendary sex toppings will trigger yeast infections in many (if not most) women. Spread them on each other and lick yourselves silly, but only above the waist, please.

This brings me to the second part of the question, about whether the asker is experiencing lube-a-phobia.

Over the years in casual and more intimate conversation, I’ve noticed that women often have strong feeling about using lube. Dare I say, lube can be a slippery topic?

Some women love the stuff. As one of my friends says “just using it feels so dirty.” Other can’t stand it, or as another says “ using it just feels so dirty.”

(I’m betting that the ones that can’t stand it need it the least.)

Some treat the use of lube like an admission of defeat, thinking they can’t get aroused enough, or can’t arouse their partners enough. Often one partner wants it but is shy about introducing it to the other. Some women think it’s only for use with sex toys, or during anal sex or fisting (the later two activities definitely require lube to protect delicate tissues). Some don’t like the texture, smell, or taste.

Today there are so many different lubes on the market, there’s definitely something for every desire. No one needs to be rubbed the wrong way.

Most modern lubes are relatively thin. Some are available in thicker gel-like solutions. None are thick and sticky like the red grease used to pack bearings.

Side note to mechanics and others: Petroleum products like Vaseline, baby oil, and axle grease never make good lube. They can cause irritation, infection, and break down toys and barriers.

Lubes come in three basic varieties: Water-soluble, glycerin-based, and silicone-based.

Water-soluble lubes tend to rinse off, and out, of the body easily, and are therefore least likely to irritate. They’re condom and toy safe. However, they may need to be reapplied during use.

Glycerin-based lubes are slipperier than water-based. They’re safe with toys. However, some women find that glycerin-based lubricants can trigger yeast infections. Glycerin is, chemically, refined from glycerol, a sugar alcohol. It makes a super-slick, sweeter-tasting lube, but can cause the same problems as that porn film favorite, whipped cream (although without the silly mustache).

Silicone-based lubes are the slipperiest but have a texture more like oil. While they’re eventually absorbed by the body (and are reportedly non-toxic), they don’t wash off as easily as the water-based products, especially when used internally. They can be used in the water. (Although I can’t vouch that they’re good for your hot tub’s filter!) They’re not safe for use with some toy and barrier materials, including silcone, Cyberskin, and Softskin, but provide lots of long-lasting slipperiness for high-friction activities. They’re also the most expensive.

Amongst all these lube choices are options that are thicker, thinner, flavored, self-warming, and minty-fresh. Some have all-natural ingredients. Any good purveyor of sex accessories like Good Vibrations or Babeland will sell a variety of lubes and be able to provide information about their products' uses, restrictions, qualities, and ingredients. Some shops even sell sampler packets so you can try a variety. Familiar drugstore labels like KY and Astroglide have introduced new products in recent years with more of the features of boutique brands, including products that double as personal massage oils.

So, if you’re lube-a-phobic, broaden your horizons and try some of the options available.

And, to the woman who asked the question, I’ll ask this one in return: If your new girlfriend wants lube and says it will make sex better for her, why the heck aren’t you sprinting out to get her some?

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Listen carefully. Can you hear that? The thumps and the splats?

As Les Nessman said of the turkeys WKRP dumped out of a helicopter onto a Cincinnati parking lot: “They’re hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!”*

And of course – since it is mid-January – I’m not talking about actual turkeys, but New Year’s resolutions.

I’m sure you can already tell I’m not a fan of NYRs. Like the straightest “1” and the gayest “6” on the Kinsey Scale, they tend to polarize at the extremes: The simplistic, “I’ll try to be a nicer person,” and the foreboding, “I’ll quit smoking, lose 75 pounds, and summit Mt. Everest this year.”

I’m also not a fan because NYRs are usually based in self-deprecation. It’s as though we’ve developed a national tradition of beginning each year by picking ourselves apart, finding a fault, and setting a goal that will focus our attention on that fault, all year long. What kind of way is that begin a new year?

I believe in a moderate approach and beginning the year in the spirit of self-kindness.

I’m speaking from a little bit of experience here. I’m fitter, stronger, and leaner than I’ve ever been in my life, although I’m still a far cry from being a Yoga Journal calendar girl. Still, I say this with some pride because, obviously, I’m also older than I’ve ever been in my life.

After years of fighting with my body and compromising myself in many ways, about eleven years ago I found a more gentle path, and since then I haven’t launched any new workout routines or crash dieted. Still, every year I get a little healthier, I weigh a little less, and I can do something I couldn’t do the year before.

I know that in an era obsessed with immediate transformation, I’m talking about something that seems awfully dull and plodding: Personal Incrementalism. Still, I’ll bet you that my PI will blow the reduced-calorie whipped topping off of your NYR in the long haul, and I’m suggesting you give it a try in 2008.

So what do I mean by Personal Incrementalism? As one of my friends would say: Eating the elephant one bite at a time.

It’s simple. Instead of trying to overhaul your life, identify the small changes that matter the most to you and make them.

If your goal is to lower your weight and doughnuts are your weakness, then don’t run out and sign-up for a whole depravation diet program – eat a few less doughnuts. When you do eat them, walk to the Krispy Kreme. Throw in some healthy snacks in place of the missing doughnuts and you’ll have a program you can stick with. At the end of the year, you’ll most likely see some changes.

If your objective is to have a more vibrant sex life, identify the impediments and work on them. Exhaustion, poor nutrition, high stress levels, being out of shape, smoking, medications, and health conditions can all mess with your libido and your ability to meet partners or make quality connections with the one you have. Small lifestyle changes like getting more sleep and getting a little more exercise can have big payoffs between the sheets.

(Last year, my friend K. quit smoking after a phenomenal number of years. She is in her 40s and had smoked since her early teens. I consider her story to be one of the year’s triumphant success stories. Recently, I asked her what finally prompted her to quit and she said “I wanted to get laid more.” There you have it. Here in Northern California, smoking is an impediment to dating. By the way, she reports that her plan has worked very well.)

For many years now, I’ve set a New Year’s intention and a physical goal. My intention is usually spiritual in nature and addresses something in my life I’m working on. Last year, after a painful breakup, I realized how quickly I can shut down and become defensive when I feel hurt or threatened. This year’s intention is to try to approach all situations in my life with an open heart (and a big, deep breath). I’ve written that down and am keeping it in a place where I can reference it often, to use as a touchstone when I feel myself throwing my emotional emergency brake.

One year my physical goal was to learn to rock climb, and I lifted weights and worked out at an indoor climbing gym before taking climbing trips in Arizona and Joshua Tree. The past few years, as I’ve moved more deeply into my yoga practice, I’ve set my physical goal by choosing a yoga pose that I’d like to be able to do by the year’s end. That way, I need to spend the year addressing the components of that pose.

Two years ago, my goal was to be able to get both feet off the ground in a pose called Eka Pada Koundinyasana, or what my 11-year-old son calls “the break-dancing pose”.


To do this, I had to work on increasing my core and arm strength. I had to become more flexible in my hamstrings and my hips, and learn the mechanics of the pose – the muscle memory of how it should feel. Basically, this means I had to figure out where my limbs would end up. I also had to learn how to exit the pose without collapsing on my mat in a heap. At the end of the year I had lift off, which was incredibly exhilarating. The next year’s goal was to be able to perform the same pose on the other side of my body. (I kid you not!)


Last year’s goal, Parivrtta Surya Yantrasana or Compass Pose, encouraged me to continue working on my hamstrings and hips, and my ability to twist more deeply. I also had to work on loosening the chronic tightness in my outer shoulders.

I’m not certain where I’m going this year, but in line with my spiritual intention to keep my heart center open, I’m thinking it will be a back-bending pose. (My son thinks my goal should be a pose where I put my foot behind my head because one of the girls in his fifth grade class can do this and he thinks it’s incredibly cool. My sweetie is afraid I’ll get stuck there.)

I know that if you’re not a yoga practitioner, these poses may look improbable, but it really is about eating the elephant one bite at a time.

My motivation for my physical goal is to increase my fitness, continue to decrease my weight, (here’s a link to an essay I wrote about how yoga and weight loss are interlinked, if you’re interested in reading more about it), and have fun along the way. Always, one of my goals is to treat myself kindly.

So, I encourage you to throw out any self-deprecating NYR turkeys and replace them with goals that can fly – goals that will make you feel good about yourself all year long.

Consider making small changes that will benefit your health. Choose activities that use as many of your muscles as possible. If you’re not an exerciser by nature, think about walking more. If you walk for exercise, consider swimming or yoga to involve more of your body. Dance whenever you can. Think about reducing the things that don’t benefit you – smoking, drinking, diet sodas, high-fructose corn syrup (as examples) – and increase the things that do, like quality sleep, massage, exercise, spiritual practices, and great sex. Consider eating foods with less fillers and preservatives, and drinking more water.

But most of all, take a vow to treat yourself kindly.

Happy New Year.


*(We all understand this was a television comedy, right? Unlike Thanksgiving, no actual turkeys were harmed.)

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Roses are red, violets are blue, please leave your comment, after your reading is thru.

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