Lesbiatopia readers meet Mclovin. Mclovin is a very good friend of mine. He was a strappingly handsome butch when I met him a little over a year ago and has since decided to transition from woman to man. He is an awesome person; a lot of fun, kind, helpful, funny... really an all around guy. I am so supportive of his decision to transition and have asked him to share his story with you because I know you will show him the kind of love and support that he needs. Now, without further ado...Mclovin's story (pseudonym being used to protect the authors identity). - Renee

- by: McLovin
I am your typical red blooded, all American male. I like motorcycles and I pin up pictures of hot, mostly naked chicks on my walls. I wear a lot of blue and brown. I sport one earring. I play drums, chess, and love healthy competition. Not to say that being an American male necessarily has anything to do with these interests, but to me, it’s defining, and being defined is something I have lacked for so long that finally finding a boundary is actually freeing. I will explain, you see, I am a transgendered man.

What does that mean, you say? Well, honestly, until recently, I had no idea. And it seems pretty cliché for me to write about it since my story is just about like two dozen others that can be read online. I am finally able to say it out loud to myself, allow it to sit in my ears and relish in my new found self proclamation. Basically, what this means to me is that I am going to endeavor on a journey which will make me love and embrace myself for the first time in my existence, but could possibly make most every other person who has loved and embraced me throughout my life reject me.


I received Barbie dolls for my birthdays until I was 9. I was made to be a witch for Halloween, not a vampire, and made to wear a princess dress, even though on a regular basis I would pretend I was Prince Philip from Sleeping Beauty. I took an early interest in sports and athletics, and I was an aggressive and active child, always picking fights and very often winning them, with other neighborhood boys. Imagine my surprise when I realized I was the only one who knew I was a boy.

I began to emulate females because everyone else placed these expectations on me, and by everyone else, I mean the people who bought my clothes. I did those things females do because everyone expected me to. Not because it felt natural or because I wanted to, but because I did not want to disappoint. I always wanted to swim with my shirt off, and be a boy scout, and imagined myself growing up to be a man. I never shared this with anyone but my dog. Even as a young child, I remembering fearing the inevitable rejection. I am to the point in my life now where I embrace those boyish adventures I never got to pursue comfortably as a kid. Many of the things I was unable to enjoy as a little girl, I am revisiting as a newly released ‘man’. Sure it seems a little juvenile that I laugh at fart jokes, but considering I spent the better part of my teens crying into my pillow and pasting smiles on my face just to get through another day as a ‘girl’, I figure I owe myself the opportunity to be a kid.

Coming to grips with my gender identity has left no corner of my life unturned. I forced myself to rethink the religious doctrines I was taught as a child and blaze a path of my own. I believe God has feminine and masculine traits. Since God is so illusive with his gender and at times even androgynous, wouldn’t it then make sense for him to include that pattern into his creation as well? I mention this because I feel connected to God as a man in ways I never could imagine as a woman. I see myself as someone strong and able to protect and provide for a family and raise healthy, well rounded children, who experience love and acceptance from two parents, committed to each other. As a female, I never had a desire to be married, raise children, and certainly never felt capable of being the leader of a family. I know many women who fill this role regularly and capably, however, I was never one of them. It simply was not in my heart. As soon as I began accepting myself as a guy, hell yeah, all of the above! I could be a great husband, forgetting anniversaries and birthdays, and a great dad getting a ‘dad of the year’ barbeque apron for fathers day, and teaching my kids to drive in the local mall parking lot.

I still have a ways to go on my journey of self-discovery. It’s unfortunate that the process of figuring out who I am causes so much tension in my relationships with the people I love. I want to share my story for several reasons: I know that there are other guys like me out there, and I want them to know they are not alone. Two, I want to educate people who may be ignorant or misinformed on what it really means to be transgendered. Most of all, though, I want to be completely honest about who I am. I don’t ever want to hide in the closet any more. This is me, and you can take it or leave it. I won’t change for anyone but me.

C’mon ride the train back to Columbus on October 16-19th, 2008 for the Tenth Annual International Drag KingCommunity Extravaganza. Fast Friday Productions and Columbus, Ohio welcomes the return of gender play, performance, theory and art after six long-awaited years. Fueled in Minnesota-MN(5), Chicago-IL (6), Winnipeg-Manitoba (7), Austin-TX (8), and Vancouver-BC (9), the IDKE.X journey back promises to delight your international tastes in drag king community culture.

IDKE is a first-of-its-kind event in that it is a collaborative, non-competitive gathering of drag king community performers, their fans, and the people who study, photograph and film them. 1 It was originally started by a group of Ohio State University Women’s Studies Graduate Students who assembled an “insider’s view on FTM drag as a subculture and craved to network beyond the Midwestern boundaries of Columbus, Ohio, circa 1998.”1 From its grassroots beginnings, IDKE has grown from 100 attendees to the thousands expected in Columbus this year.


IDKE.X features a two-day conference, Art and Film Festival, Transman Health Fair, Merchant Fair, and International Drag Performances featuring performers from New Zealand, France, Rome, Canada and throughout the United States…All brought together to enjoy, learn, and indulge in our gender-loving culture.

The two day conference will be hosted at Stonewall Columbus Center on High and the Frank Hale Multicultural Center at the Ohio State University. With the additions of a Transman Health Fair and a Job Fair this year, the IDKE Conference exhibits what we have learned about our historical “presence” as gender-queer beings; gender performance beyond the scope of the stage; gender-queer theory; mass popular culture and critical race theories; gender-queer community viability; the function of familial relations both past and present; Kingcommunity health & wellness, etc…

The Art Festival will include collections from IDKE artists displayed in the Columbus Short North Businesses—as well as the debut of a new art anthology, the History of Drag Kings, exhibiting past IDKE memorabilia. The IDKE.X Film Fest presents films from Drag subculture in the US, France, Canada and more. Featuring a collection of Film Shorts on Friday, the Film Fest will take place at AXIS from Thursday through Saturday.

And in the spirit of our ever-evolving Gender World, IDKE culminates in a variety of Stage events to delight every fancy--known or unknown. In its 10th year Friday’s Dragdom, once the greenhorn stage where new performers or new alias’ amused and surprised audience members, will be held at Wall Street which formerly housed the grand weekend performance event, the Saturday Night IDKE Showcase. The IDKE.X Showcase will bring together the world’s best drag performances on Columbus’ finest stage, the Lifestyles Community Pavilion at Promowest. Nominated as the finest new Concert venue by Pollster Magazine in 2001, the LC Pavilion will host a night of Drag talent the likes of which you have never seen…acts that will leave you breathless for more, and a dance After Party with 2000+ international & national gender-queer, queer friendly, and queer curious party-goers.

If that isn’t enough, on Friday swing by East Village Video Bar & Cafe for Viva’s Red Light District Burlesque Show “Dames who Love their Kings” the hot and steamy loveliness of Viva Valezz and some of the most wow woW wOW VABOOM in Burlesque this century. These Dames are smokin'!!

Realizing the youth also need their own space to show their talents, IDKE will also host a YOUTH SPEAKEASY in coordination with Stonewall Columbus. The Youth Speakeasy turns the mic over to the new generation of performers. We welcome musicians, singers, spoken word artists and performers from ages 4 to 18 to their very own stage production.

IDKE ends on Sunday with the Brunch which will be hosted at Columbus’ newest lounge and danceclub, LIQUID. Come enjoy the wonderful LIQUID brunch fare & reminisce with new friends and old before they depart--while getting one last gender boost of theatrical acts, spoken word, and live music.
IDKE.X is all you can ask for, and all the things you couldn’t bring yourself to speak of. Don’t miss the train. www.idkex.com


From The History of the First International Drag King Extravaganza
By Donna Jean Troka, in consultation with Julie Applegate, Sile Singleton and Shani Scott

I am a 25, fun-loving, Jewish,comedian FTM from Chicago who moved to LA just a few short months ago. My goal? To transition from female to male, and to keep a video and written blog of journey that will be sure to inform and entertain many!!



So clearly, you can tell from the title of that this is about my transition. I was born female and I am now transitioning to become a male. I felt starting this blog would be important for several reasons.

1) It would inform people about my actual transition

2) It would keep people updated on how I am changing day to day, including photos and video!!

3) It would be educational, maybe even fun!!

4) Perhaps it will help other people who are dealing with this

5) It will help raise awareness


Some questions I think I should answer in the beginning of this series.

What is involved in transitioning?

Well, basically, it involves alot of counseling and eventually hormones, and the option of surgeries. I will be sure to get into the details later.

Why did I decide to transition?

I've felt like a boy since I was young. I thought that perhaps I was just a butch lesbian and have attempted living that way, and I still wasn't happy. I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I feel like I've been born into the wrong body and I would like how I feel on the inside to match with how I feel on the outside. After I graduated from college and moved to LA, I decided it was time to take this whole thing on. I know that I am not happy as I am, and I need to see this through. So I began therapy in November, and I have just recently been cleared and allowed to start my hormone treatment.

I received my first dose of testosterone on Wednesday, March 26th. It was an injection that went into my upper thigh. There are side effects of the testosterone such as increased appetite, increased sex drive, emotions all over the place. Basically, I will be going through puberty for a second time!! Oy, but I know it will be worth it in the end. My voice will deepen, I will develop facial hair, my muscles will be more developed, my body will redistribute my fat differently, my face may become more square. I could also develop acne!! I believe within 6 months to a year people will not be able to tell that I was born a female. I don't know how soon I will be feeling these side effects. I can tell you it has been a weird week already though. I'm going through so much emotionally already. I've been searching for a job for six months, I'm coming out to people all over again, I'm building a new network in a new city, etc. So maybe its the placebo effect, but I do feel different a little already. My emotions seem to be a little weird and I literally have had moments where I feel like a 12 year old awkward boy. But maybe I feel that way because I know what I'm about to embark on, so who knows.

However,I am so excited to finally start this part of my life and I want to be able to share it with everyone around me. Having the support of my friends and family is especially critical at this time in my life. So, please, send some positive energy my way in the form of comments on my blog, emails, phone calls, anything. I want to hear from everyone!!! I need to hear from my network of support!!! And please, if you have any questions at all, please ask!! If you feel they are too personal for the comment section, email them to me and I will be happy to answer you!!!

You can follow more about this fascinating journey at the transmandiaries

I'm sure some of you have heard by now, either via the Advocate or by your local newscast, that the United States is home to its first pregnant male (full article here). No, we're not talking an Arnold movie come to life, or cloning reaching new heights. This is the story of a female-to-male transsexual, post hormones and top surgery, legally male and legally married to his wife, who decided to have a child. Incidentally, his wife had had a hysterectomy some years ago, so they decided that he would be their own surrogate.



I won't delve in to the details of their decision to have a child or their experiences throughout the entire process. The Advocate and the author of the article above, written by the father-to-be himself, do a great job of that. I can't even say much about the discrimination they experienced, as I've witness plenty of discrimination towards trans people simply walking the street. Frankly, while I wish the world would expand their minds a little, or at least try to accept the things they don't understand instead of fearing them, I know that's quite idealistic. There will always be someone who voices their opinion through hatred.

My immediate thoughts on this article were from the point of view of someone who dates those that dance with gender. Butch, androgynous, genderqueer, and trans, I've dated them all. I've had to explain why, even though I had a boyfriend, I still identified as a lesbian. I've had to explain why, even though she looked like a boy, my girlfriend had no desire to be a boy. I've had to explain that my partner had shunned gender altogether, and identified as neither male nor female. I have gone from having a girlfriend to having a boyfriend and back again in a single relationship. I love to explore the nuances and fluidity of gender, even considering for a moment back in college whether or not I was, in fact, a feminine FTM.

In more intimate matters, I've become quite familiar with walking that narrow and ill-defined path that is sex with a trans individual. Some prefer certain terminology when it comes to their bodies. Some only liked to be touched in certain places, or certain ways. Some don't like to be touched at all. Some have body hatred, some embrace their parts, some just want to ignore the issue altogether. I've become somewhat adept at broaching these matters without actually bringing them up. I've acquired quite a bit of finesse about easing the blow when I accidentally cross some physical boundary, and I've been told I exude a quite comforting air that puts those body fears at ease.

But, I ask myself, what would I do in this situation? Would I be able to look at my husband of ten years, seeing his belly swollen with child, and not question it? Would I be able to hold his hand in the delivery room and still see him as my husband? I've always been a supporter of destroying gender lines, and I've rarely struggled with my partner's gender identity. But would this be the thing that I just wouldn't be able to understand? Did this man's partner struggle with her husband's gender after he started to show?

I've found myself, in recent years, wishing the trans community was more open to various gender expressions. However, upon reading this article, I've started to think that perhaps I'm the one that's not as open to such things as I thought. Sure, I've dated people all along the gender spectrum, but there are still more ways to explore and express gender out there. Even when you think you're completely open and accepting, there will always be someone out there that challenges your perceptions. It is at that moment that you decide whether to give up and set your limits, or to expand your mind just a little bit more. For each of the latter, the world is becoming a bigger, and better place.