Lesbiatopia

MONTPELIER, Vt. -- The federal government has ruled that the Social Security Administration must extend benefits to the children of partners in same-sex unions even if the parent is not biologically related.

The U.S. Department of Justice opinion was in response to a case involving a Vermont couple. It says that the federal Defense of Marriage Act does not exclude the nonbiological child of partners in a same-sex union from receiving benefits.

The October 2007 opinion was made public this month.

The opinion refers to two Vermont women who entered into a civil union in 2002 and later tried to pass on the nonbiological parent's disability benefits to their child born in 2003.

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A new book that is aimed at both professionals and parents of dealing with transgender children will be release next month.

Called The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals, it is written by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper. This book addresses such issues as what will happen when your son insists on wearing a dress to school; What do you do when your toddler daughter’s first sentence is that she’s a boy; How can you explain your child to neighbors and family; How can you best raise your gender-variant or transgender child with love and compassion, even if you barely understand the issues ahead. Offering an extensive understanding of gender-variant and transgender youth, The Transgender Child answers these questions and more.



Providing extensive research and interviews as well as years of experience working in the field, authors Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper explore what is currently known and understood about gender. They describe the process that many families go through after learning that a child is transgender or gender variant and lay out strategies for parents to move from crisis to acceptance. Brill and Pepper cover developmental stages of the transgender child from birth to college, transition decisions, appropriate disclosure, and the educational, medical, and legal issues that parents and therapists need to know.

Peggy O’Mara, Editor and Publisher of Mothering Magazine said of The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals…

The Transgender Child is a groundbreaking book. It is a sophisticated and sympathetic look at a world unknown to many of us. Families with transgender children often suffer because of society’s prejudices. This book opens a door and shines a light on members of society who deserve the compassion and understanding of us all.”

STEPHANIE BRILL is the founder of Gender Spectrum Education and Training, which provides education, resources and training to create a more gender-sensitive and supportive environment for all children. She founded and runs the Children’s Hospital Oakland Support Group for parents of gender-variant and transgender children and teens. She also co-produces a national conference, Gender Spectrum Family (genderspectrumfamily.org), for families with gender-variant and transgender children. Brill wrote The Queer Parents Primer (New Harbinger Press) and co-authored The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth (Alyson).

RACHEL PEPPER is the Coordinator of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Studies at Yale University. An award-winning journalist and an editor at Curve Magazine, she is the author of The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians (Cleis Press) and co-author of The Gay and Lesbian Guide to College Life (Princeton Review).

The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals will be available from Amazon. Com and from Cleis Press

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There is a website with tools that are helping lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness of families like ours. Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me is a cartoon especially for gay families with a website to match found at www.BuddyG.tv. I was able to watch a clip of the first episode of the Buddy G cartoon on the website, and I have to say I was excited to see another cartoon where families like mine are represented. I was even more excited when I found that the Buddy G TV website also offers printable cartoon pages, online jigsaw puzzles, and related videos for LGBT families. I printed out a few of the coloring pages right away, and slipped them into the pile of pages during coloring time, then put them on the fridge for the world to see. Since then, many visitors to my home have commented on the Buddy G coloring pages, and how cool they are. I feel like they walk away with a little more of a sense of how normal gay families really are.



When I ventured in to learn a bit more about Buddy G and how I could get the DVD, I found that Buddy G has received a lot of press and media attention, while promoting other two-mommy media such as the DVD Dottie’s Magic Pockets. I fell in like with Buddy G right away and he is now a friend of mine on MySpace. *smile* I learned from Donna, Margaux and Grayson, the family behind Buddy G, that one little girl carries the DVD in her backpack to prove to other kids that “there are lots of families like hers - they even have a cartoon!” This is awesome to know, because children of lesbian moms are being validated as equally as special as all the other children in the world since they are represented in a cartoon. The Buddy G DVD and website is great for showing children of lesbian moms that they are not the only children in the world with two moms, and helps to reinforce a positive view of LGBT families. Plus sharing the coloring pages with my nieces and nephews shows them that their Aunties aren’t the only ones with a two mommy family.



Here is what the Buddy G website says about how the show came to be:

We know we are a minority and that most kids have a mom and a dad, but for little guys like our son we thought wouldn’t it be grand if there were something more available to them. Something like a cartoon, like a Caillou with two moms or dads. The more we talked about it the more important it became. It was almost like, if we didn’t do something about it after we had this fantastic idea, then we were somehow being irresponsible parents. So out of that, “Buddy G” was born. It took longer, cost more and was way harder then we thought it would be, but we couldn’t be happier or more proud of the cartoon and the potential it represents. “Buddy G” has added incredible joy to our family and we hope he adds a little happiness to yours.

Sincerely,

Margaux, Donna and Grayson

I feel a sense of relief that there are people out there like Donna, Margaux and Grayson who are brave enough to fill the void in the LGBT community for two-mommy media, and provide tools to help lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness for LGBT families in a fun and positive way. It’s also good to know that the Buddy G website is expanding in the near future to provide even more Buddy G fun and games for the kids. If you are a lesbian mom, there are also fun things for you at the Buddy G website too! You can find videos and more for LGBT parents here. In the meantime, you can order the DVD below plus you can add Buddy G as your friend on MySpace here.



I am really looking forward to the expansion of the Buddy G TV website, and for other two mommy media products to provide awareness tools for their products such as coloring pages and online games for the children. Even something as simple as seeing a two mommy family on paper helps make the world more aware of how normal an LGBT family really is. Thanks Buddy G!.

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One of our readers contacted Lesbiatopia Monday, informing us about a developing story coming out of the Philadelphia suburb of Haverford Township, PA.

It seems the parents of a 9-year-old third-grade student approached school administrators on April 16 to ask for help in making a "social transition" for their transgendered child. The Haverford School District then consulted with some experts on the subject of trangenderism in children, among them, an organization called TransYouth Family Allies, to get advice on how they should proceed.



Haverford School District officials came up with a plan that called for notifying the parents and about 100 third-grade students at the child’s school to tell them that they would be holding an information session for the students to explain why their classmate would now wear girls' clothes and be called by a girl's name.

While it seems this student classmates have taken it all in stride and really don’t think it a big deal, not so some of these third graders parents.

I spoke yesterday with Ms. Shannon Garcia of TransYouth Family Allies on the phone about all of this.

Shannon, a mother of six, has an 8-year-old transgendered daughter who was born a boy; she is the president of TransYouth Family Allies, an organization she Co-Founded in 2006.

Ms Garcia told me that the non-profit organization has provided educational and referral services to at least 65 other families with children who have gender dysphoria or gender identity issues in the past. The Haverford School District and the child’s parents sought help in addressing the matter and thus contacted TransYouth Family Allies to help them formulate a plan to make their child's transition easier. She said a decision was made that a counselor would talk to the third-graders about their transgendered classmate because of anticipated questions that would arise when the child arrived at school in girl's attire after previously dressing as a boy.

Things were going well until several of the other student's parents got upset. Eight of them called the schools principal to ask that their child not attend the session. One went on a local blog expressing displeasure at the School Districts decision to discuss this with the students. It was not long after that other parents went to the local Philadelphia media outlets. On Saturday the Philadelphia Inquirer ran a story where they named the child's school, while the local paper the Delco Times showed they respected the child's privacy and refused to do so. Monday, the local CBS Television affiliate had a remote truck camped outside the school, trying to get parents and students reactions along with a shot of the student herself.

While researching this story I found out from a local blogger that one parent has even gone as far as to contact Fred Phelps from the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, who is well-known in LGBT communities for picketing gay pride events and funerals. Several right wing and white supremest sites have also weighted in on all of this today and there has been an abundance of homophobic comments and downright hateful language on these forums.

It doesn't matter what people's opinion on the subject is, this is a 9-year-old child, whose mother has aided in a decision regarding the identity of their gender, and the bottom line is that this child has the right to be protected, both in and out of school.

While I am not an expert in an way on transgender issues, speaking with Ms. Garcia about her struggle in dealing with it in her own life, she spoke words and expressed feelings that resonates with each and every one of us in the LGBT community:

"I have yet to meet a parent who did not fight this kicking and screaming," she said. "None of us want this for our children, none of us want to go there, but it gets to the point where it's not a choice anymore."

Ms. Garcia says letting her own child dress and act as a girl was the right decision.

"I went from a suicidal child to a child who tries out for a lead part in the play," she said. "I knew society wasn't going to be accepting, but my choices were, do this and have a happy, alive girl or have an unhappy, dead boy. So we did what we needed." As a mother I can so understand where she was coming from.

As a mother and a lesbian I had to ask myself, what would I do if one of my girls told me one day that she was really my son? That her “gender identity” was not matching her “assigned gender”? Knowing what I did about my own struggles with sexual orientation, I knew that from as far back as I can remember, I was attracted to other girls and that my first crush, at 8 years old, was on one of my female classmates. While I know gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely separate matters, I also know that some nine year olds have to deal with these kinds of issues. Would I do what these parents in Pennsylvania did when they went to the school to spare their child the years of abuse, bullying and misery, because they are different and their classmate fear and misunderstand them?

You bet your sweet ass I would.

Ms. Garcia told me that the reason this information session was held at the school was that it was thought that if you educate children early and teach them that all people are different, hopefully they will learn to be tolerant of those differences. They will learn that their friend is still their friend but that he is now a she, and that's perfectly ok. No one was trying to push any agenda, they were simply trying to explain the definition of what being transgendered is to avoid any confusion in the future.

In preparing this article I learned a lot about transgenderism that I did not know before I started. I also was quite pleased to find out that there is an organization out there like TransYouth Family Allies and school administrators like the ones in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania that will place a child needs first.

On February 12, 2008, a 15-year-old trangendered student at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California, named Larry King was shot and killed by a classmate. Brandon McInerney, that classmate has been charged with murder. Two lives were destroyed in that tragedy of ignorance. Hopefully TransYouth Family Allies and the school administrators in Haverford Township have prevented that from happening again by holding this info session.

Change starts at home, but unfortunately, a lot of parents are not open to educating both themselves and their children on GLBT issues. It is great that the kids in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania have responded so well to the information session but is also unfortunate and sad that the parents did not. To see these parents respond with hate, homophobia and bigotry just goes to show that equality and tolerance are still a long way away.

Interested in learning more about transgender individuals and gender identity, here is a great Q&A from the American Psychological Association

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Many lesbian and gay couples are lucky enough to live in a state where same-sex partners can jointly adopt a child; that is where one partner can adopt the biological child of the other through a second-parent, stepparent, or domestic partner adoption. These measures can make certain that both partners are considered legal parents of their child.

Research shows that men and women with good parenting skills come in all types… gay and straight and
non-traditional, loving families, including single parents and gay couples, are most certainly preferable to state care.

The American Academy of Pediatrics, an organization of 55,000 primary care pediatricians, pediatric medical sub-specialists and pediatric surgical specialists dedicated to the health, safety and well being of infants, children, adolescents and young adults has stated children who are born to, or adopted by, one member of a gay or lesbian couple deserves the security of two legally recognized parents.



In an AAP policy statement titled "Co-parent or Second-Parent Adoption by Same-Sex Parents" supports legal and legislative efforts that provide for the possibility of adoption of those children by the second parent or co-parent in same-sex relationships.

In the statement this organization says the there is a considerable body of professional literature that suggests children with parents who are homosexual have the same advantages and the same expectations for health, adjustment and development as children whose parents are heterosexual.

According to the policy statement, co-parent or second-parent adoption in a
same-sex relationship provides for the following:

· Guarantees that the second parent's custody rights will be protected if the
first parent falls ill or dies.
· Protects the second parent's rights to custody and visitation if the couple
separates.
· Establishes the requirement for child support from both parents in the event
of the parents' separation.
· Ensures the child's eligibility for health benefits from both parents.
· Provides legal grounds for either parent to provide consent for medical care
and other important decisions.
· Creates the basis for financial security for children by ensuring
eligibility to all appropriate entitlements, such as Social Security
survivors benefits.

Currently 10 states permit second-parent adoptions by same-sex couples based on either state statutes or a court decision: California, Connecticut, the District of Columbia, Illinois, Indiana, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Vermont. In an additional 14 states, trial courts have granted second-parent adoptions to same-sex couples. In other words, these states do not have laws permitting adoptions statewide, but adoptions may be granted in county family courts. These states are Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Iowa, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Texas and Washington.

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The National LGBT Scholarship Fund, The Point Foundation, has announced that it will be honoring. Lesbian Mom and, Sex in the City star Cynthia Nixon with its 2008 Point Courage Award in a ceremony that is to take place Monday, April 7, 2008 at the Capitale in New York City.



Cynthia Nixon, has made her mark in television, theatre and film, with such memorable characters in HBO’s Sex and the City as Miranda Hobbes and as Eleanor Roosevelt in Warm Springs, is a being honored because of the shining example of courage and the hope she provides to many as a notable person in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community and for her strong support as a concerned lesbian parent and a former graduate of the New York City Public School System. Also scheduled to join her as a celebrity attendee is Ms Nixon’s Sex and the City co-star Sarah Jessica Parker.

Additionally Media Giant Time Warner is slated to receive the Point Foundations 2008 Point Inspiration Award at this ceremony, and is being honored for its respect and inclusion of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in its operations. Time Warner was the first media company to institute an AIDS in the Workplace policy, and among the first companies in the world to provide domestic partner benefits to same sex couples.

The Point Foundation provides financial support, mentoring and hope to meritorious students who are marginalized due to sexual orientation or gender identity.

Go to The Point Foundations Web Site for more details on the tickets for this event.

Before you meet your match, get to know yourself

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Here is a little news from our informant inside the Secret Lesbian Viking Enclave…

Norway, which has had a domestic partnership registry since 1993, recently publicized plans to open marriage to same-sex couples. The new law would permit gay and lesbian couples to marry in churches, adopt children, and receive state-funded medical assistance in getting pregnant.



The Norwegian Minister of Children and Equality, Anniken Huitfeldt said:

Letting gay couples marry won't weaken marriage as an institution; rather, it will strengthen it. Marriage won't be worth less because more can take part in it.

And she also said the new act is

an historic step towards equality.

Some members of the coalition government have said they will vote would oppose the bill.

Norway’s current Registered Partnership Act grants the virtually all the protections, responsibilities and benefits as marriage, including provisions for the breakdown of the relationship, but states that the articles in the Adoption Act relating to married couples shall not apply for registered partners. It also bans same sex couples from having access to artificial insemination, which under the current laws is only allowed to married couples or cohabitants of opposite sexes. In 2002, however Norway did grant registered partners the right to adopt their partner's children.

In 2002, Reuters reported that around 150 same-sex couples registered their partnerships in Norway each year. One of the more notable people to register their relationships was former Finance Minister Per-Kristian Foss.

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For most of my life, I was fairly able to avoid the topic of religion and any life decisions that came along with it.

Lately however, I’ve come face to face with some hard decisions to make in the department of religion because of my children. When it comes to life’s mysteries, it can be hard to know what to believe yourself, let alone what to teach your children to believe. As a lesbian mom, I’ve also come face to face with the choices that other people have made for themselves with their own religious beliefs and how they feel about homosexuality. In my journeys through my religious options, I’ve been on the receiving end of harsh judgment and total acceptance; bearing witness to the opposite extremes of emotions that religious people can have towards me once they discover I am a lesbian. Navigating the choices I have had to make about religion as a lesbian mom has been an interesting experience, and I felt like it was important to share what I’ve gone through with you.



My family baptized me as a Catholic when I was a baby. Then they converted when I was about twelve and I was ‘re-born’ as a Christian.

I remember at some point also going to other types of churches, and my mother even trying out her hand as a Jehovah’s Witness. As an adult, I was very confused about my own religious beliefs and whether I believed in God, and I lived a life of questioning what I was raised to believe in even though I didn’t really know what I believed in. I felt like religion was supposed to provide me with some sort of answer to life’s big questions and mysteries, yet all I was filled with was more unanswered questions. At some point I just decided that I didn’t know if I believed in a God or if I didn’t, and that was that.

When I had my first child in 2000, I realized that I would have to come to some sort of decision about what I believed in because now I was also responsible for the life of another human being.

The issue of religion came up right away because my family wanted the baby to be baptized in a church even though I didn’t want to commit to any one religion. I managed to avoid the issue by hiring a non-denominational minister to perform a ‘dedication ceremony’ in an outdoor setting. This was dedicating my son’s life to the “greater good” so I felt that I was satisfying the part of me that wanted some sort of belief in a Higher Power and also the part that didn’t believe. I was still questioning, and managed to keep things that way… for a little while.

I had a tough time after my son was born – I had another baby right before my marriage totally fell apart, and then came out as a lesbian right after.

Having been to the Catholic and Christian Sunday schools and bible studies, it was ingrained in me that divorce was a big no-no and so was being a lesbian. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil, self doubt, self hatred, and questioning of life during that period of time. I am so blessed that I had my two children and Gina during that time because they were really what kept me going through it all. I really had to come to terms with the choices that I had made and reconcile them with the religious beliefs I had been taught. I went in search of answers and I took the time to find them. Now I don’t consider myself to be religious, I say that I am ‘spiritual’, but honestly I still haven’t taken the time to baptize or dedicate my youngest child as of yet. She is going to be 6 in July. Now, I have taken so long to make a choice about what religious beliefs to instill as a lesbian mom, that this child is about ready to tell me what religion to choose herself! *LOL

Our oldest is 7 and the youngest is 5, and I think I’ve avoided the issue of religion as much as I can.

They can both read now, and understand adult conversations. They notice things, and remember stuff, and have questions about everything. Just like me, they want to know. It’s hard to know what to say when a child asks you what happens when we die, or who is Jesus. My son has practiced meditation because he saw it on a cartoon, and knows what a Buddhist monk looks like when he sees one because of a family movie we watched once. Another family movie, called Fluke, is about a dog who remembers a past life as a husband and father. That movie inspired a ton of questions from the kids and made me realize that I really needed to decide what I was going to teach my kids to believe.

If you are a member of the LGBT community (with children or not) this issue is one that is going to come up at one point or another in your life.

Many religions are anti-gay and discourage homosexuality, considering homosexuals to be what Hindu society refers to as pariah or outcasts. There are some Christian denominations and other religions that are accepting of members of the LGBT community. If you are a lesbian, bi-sexual, trans-sexual or gay man, you are really going to have to do your homework if you are looking for an accepting place of worship in your area. You are going to want to determine if you are going to have any problems with discrimination first before you show up. (Read this article about a lesbian couple from the United States who was denied communion at their local parish after they were married in Canada.) Over the past few years Gina and I have had baptisms, weddings, and funerals to attend in different types churches and at a funeral for my father’s aunt, a man who seemed to be the guy in charge literally put his hand up and stopped us asking me “Is that your sister?” I said “No, this is my wife.” This guy had to think for a minute before he stepped aside and said “Okay you can go in.” I couldn’t believe it. One church I attended without Gina asked me if I had a husband and told me that the next time I went I had to take my husband… yikes!!

You can research different religions online before you go, and determine which places of worship that you endorse and which you want to avoid.

When you attend, be wary of the materials they provide such as brochures and prayer books. You’ll also want to listen to the songs that the choir sings and determine if the message being delivered is one that you endorse. We took our children to a Methodist church this past Thursday for a re-enactment of The Last Supper, since Easter is coming up. The kids are old enough to read the words in the song books now and it was sooo cute to see them read and sing about love and kindness! I would have been upset if the kids were ever subjected to the discrimination that Gina and I have. Instead, my heart was beaming with gratefulness to see the kids participate in activities like symbolic washing of the hands of the person sitting next to you, plus the sharing of bread and punch. They had a ton of questions that night for sure!

In any case here is what Wikipedia says about religion and homosexuality:

Though the relationship between homosexuality and religion can vary greatly across time and place, within and between different religions and sects, and regarding different forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, current authoritative bodies and doctrines of the world's largest religions generally view homosexuality negatively. This can range from quietly discouraging homosexual activity, to explicitly forbidding same-sex sexual practices among adherents and actively opposing social acceptance of homosexuality. Some teach that homosexual orientation itself is sinful, while others assert that only the sexual act is a sin. Some claim that homosexuality can be overcome through religious faith and practice. On the other hand, voices exist within each of these religions that view homosexuality more positively, and liberal religious denominations may even bless same-sex marriages. Some view same-sex love and sexuality as sacred, and a mythology of same-sex love can be found around the world.

Here is a list of books from Amazon on the subject of LGBT Religion and Spirituality:

- Reclaiming The Spirit: Gay Men and Lesbians Come to Terms with Religion here

- Coming Out Within: Stages of Spiritual Awakening for Lesbians and Gay Men here

- From Wounded Hearts: Faith Stories Of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, And Transgender People And Those Who Love Them here

- Equal Rites: Lesbian and Gay Worship, Ceremonies, and Celebrations here

- Lesbian Rabbis: The First Generation here

- Qu(e)erying Evangelism: Growing a Community From the Outside In here

- Face to Face: Gay And Lesbian Clergy on Holiness And Life Together here

- Are There Closets in Heaven?; A Catholic Father and Lesbian Daughter Share their Story here

- Waiting for the Call: From Preacher's Daughter to Lesbian Mom here


What I have found is that the main religious denominations where you can find total gay acceptance are:

Metropolitan Community Church
Unitarian Universalist Church
United Church of Christ
United Church of Canada
Paganism
Neopagan
Wiccan


Some congregations of the following denominations are accepting of the LGBT community:

Christian Reformed Church
Church of the Nazarene
Presbyterian
Anglican
Lutheran
Reformed Judaism
New Apostolic
Religious Society of Friends (Quaker)
The Unification Church


And here are some denominations which do not endorse homosexuality yet do support the human rights of the gay community:

Buddhism
Taoism
Confucianism
The United Methodist Church

There are also many spiritual centers emerging as places of worship as well with a focus on gay worshippers.

Once you've decided which belief system works for you, I suggest reaching out to others of the same faith for support and fellowship.

Meetup.com is a great place to meet others of the same faith. There are so many religions to choose from in society that I couldn’t possibly cover them all here in this article. I encourage you to do your homework and follow your heart!

Here are some websites where you can find out more about religion for lesbians and others in the LGBT community:

- Article: Lesbian caught between religion and outside world here

- Article: Religion and Homosexuality here

- Article: Lesbian Faith without Fear here

- Faith in America here

- OUT Faith here

- The Gay Religion Blog here

- Gay Church.org here

- A Lesbians Faith.com here

- Interfaith Advocates LGBT here

- Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion here

- Lesbian Life Religion and Spirituality here

- Religion on Gay City USA here

- Gay and Lesbian Mormons here

- GLBT Catholics here

- LGBT Episcopalians here

- Gay and Lesbian Atheists and Humanists here

- LGBT Jewish Organizations here

- Gay and Lesbian Quakers here

- The Gay and Lesbian Vaishnava Association here

- More Light Presbyterians here

- Lutherans Concerned here


The road to religious choices is definitely an interesting one.

I hope that I was able to give you a good jumpstart with the resources I’ve collected above. Finding a place of worship where you feel accepted is the ultimate goal, and I wish you the best on that journey. Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts and insights on navigating religion as a lesbian if you can.

I really want to say thank you for reading this post and for those who are celebrating Easter this weekend I am sending Happy Easter wishes your way!

Until next post stay well and be safe.

Sincerely,

~Julie Phineas~

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If you have children you might find yourself becoming more of a pro in the area of multimedia. Do you ever stop and think about the ideas you are endorsing?

Children today are constantly exposed to various ideas through the media, and I myself have had to activate my ‘watchful eye’. It’s hard to keep an eye on every single thing that your child ever lays their eyes on! Honestly, it’s just not possible, but really mothers have to tackle this issue from the moment their child enters their life. Every single thing – and I mean everything – that your child is exposed to needs to be questioned, evaluated, and decided upon.


What they eat, what they wear, what they see, what people say, the list goes on and on. The bottom line here is that the choices you make for your child affect their perception of the world and how they are going to interact with it in the future. If you have children you probably have had this realization hit home at one point or another. What I want to focus on here today is the choices that parents have to make in regards to multimedia. Parents seriously have to ask themselves what perceptions are being reinforced in the media that their kids are exposed to. What it comes down to here is that when we buy a product or service, we are also buying into an idea.

For example, let’s talk about the Disney Princesses. These fictional women were put into the spotlight without any regards to the fact that they would become role models to millions of girls who would one day grow up to be women. One of the underlying messages of the stories involving the Disney Princesses is that in order for a girl to “live happily ever after” she has to marry the prince and become a princess. (You can read more about this in the New York Times article What’s Wrong With Cinderella?.) Disney is going to debut their first African American princess in 2009, and it will be interesting to see what the story line is there. Maybe one day they’ll evolve to where the Disney Princess lineup includes a Lesbian Princess!

I try to stay aware of the underlying messages that my children are exposed to through the many different forms of media that are available today.

There are songs on the radio, programs on TV, movies in the theaters, websites online, magazines and books in print, etc. Anything that has an image imprinted should definitely be evaluated, whether it’s an image in a book, a picture on a magazine cover, or a graphic on a t-shirt. Also, any book or song that uses hateful or racist words should be avoided. More than that however, anything produced with the intent of spreading ignorant or derogatory messages should be boycotted. I don’t purchase video games with guns and violence, or magazines with suggestive pictures or racy words on the cover. Any magazines, etc. that my wife and I might have with mature images or suggestive words on it is kept out of the eyes of our children. Music with adult language is also best kept for times when the children aren't with us.

Because I am a lesbian mom, I am especially concerned with media that is anti-gay or that is ignorant of gay families.

Two-mom families, like any other family, need access to media that provides ideas and messages that they can identify with and support as mentioned in this article. We need prime time television shows with real live lesbians in them. We need mainstream magazines with gay and lesbian couples on the cover; and we need games, books, cartoons, and coloring pages for our kids too.

I’d like to see a cooking show hosted by two-moms combining their knowledge to feed their family. I’d like to see a sitcom with a two-mom family, something like the show Everybody Loves Raymond. It would be nice to see lesbian fashion on the cover of Cosmo; or listen to a love song on the radio sung by a lesbian with the lyrics I love her. One day maybe the kids will even play a video game with lesbian characters saving the day, LOL.

My point here is that there is a definite need for Two-Mommy Media!

Here is a relevant quote from an article I wrote on my lesbian mom blog where I address the importance of endorsing companies that share your values:

…every dollar you spend, every website you click on, every radio station or TV channel you tune into lines somebody’s pockets. BE CONSCIOUS of whose pockets you are lining! Avoid endorsing media networks, websites, products, radio shows, and anything else that is produced by people or companies known for gay-bashing or otherwise supporting anyone or anything that is anti-gay. When musical artists like JaRule make negative statements towards the gay lifestyle (article)I refuse to further support their music. Companies like Gannett and General Electric offer health insurance for domestic partners of their employees and I will purchase and endorse their products as long as they continue to do so. – (the entire article is here)

More so than avoiding anti-gay media, it's most important to support pro-gay media.

You'll find that more and more gay and lesbian role models are emerging through the media, and the mainstream perspective is becoming more diverse despite anti-gay protest. You can show your support for the ideas that you personally endorse through the media that you choose, and which types of media you expose your children to if you are a parent. As a lesbian mom, it is important to me that gay families get more exposure in the mainstream media. (Especially when the mainstream media wants my lesbian money!) It would be nice for my children to turn on the TV and see families like theirs - and let’s face it we can’t watch The L Word with the kiddos. *wink

Here is a short list with links of ‘Two-Mommy Media’ available online:

Women In Love: Portraits of Lesbian Mothers & Their Families

Amazon Listmania! of Lesbian Family Books Compiled by Author Kaitlyn T. Considine of TwoMomBooks.com

Dottie's Magic Pockets on DVD and Video Brought To You By Pink Pea Production Company

Two-Moms T-shirts and Gifts on CafePress

Calendars and Coloring Books from the Families Like Yours and Mine Website

Of course these are just a few examples of the types of media that send a pro-gay message.

You can also find a list of about a hundred different items for pro-gay families at FamilyEquality.org. If you are a lesbian mom like me, you are definitely going to want to take some time to browse these items and see what is available to you. You can also keep an eye on lesbian and bisexual women in the media and entertainment industry at the website AfterEllen.com which is brought to us by LOGO. I am looking forward to the day when media like this is available mainstream, and gay families are regarded with the same perspective as any other family in society.

I hope that this post has helped to shed some light on the needs of families like mine and the need for more Two-Mommy Media. Thank you for reading!

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Lesbian Parenting was a whole new frontier for me, and so when I first heard the term ‘blended family’ I pictured my wife, kids, and self as pieces of fruit inside a blender… yummm.



If you look up the term ‘Blended Family’ on Wikipedia you will see that the page you are taken to is titled ‘Step Family’. The definition given for a stepfamily is "the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced". There are a number of issues that my wife and I had to face when we became a blended family such as issues of who would discipline the children, what role religious beliefs play, etc. etc. Even today we are scheduled to meet with our son’s principal at school. I have deep seated issues with being sent to the principal’s office and my wife is a much better candidate for handling this situation. She drives them to school and picks them up, and is the one who talks to all of the teachers and things. The extent of my involvement with the kids schooling is for me to wave goodbye when they leave, say hello when they get home, help with homework and wave at them during the Halloween Parade each year. But when it comes down to it they want to talk only to me. There is no space on the children’s registration paperwork for same-sex parents or step-parents, so basically Gina is not listed as anything except someone who can pick the children up in an emergency. So as you can see the life of a blended lesbian family is fun times and always keeps us on our toes.


In the five years that our blended family has been together we have each gained an extended family as well.

Gina has a large family with many aunts and cousins and friends turned family. My immediate family is pretty small and I am the only one in my family to have children, so the kids didn’t have any cousins from my side. Now they have at least 20! It was kind of confusing at first to get all of the names down and figure out who’s who and how they are all connected, but now I’m getting pretty good at remembering names at family functions and they are starting to remember mine too. The older generation family sometimes thinks we are just friends but my grandmother is completely aware of the fact that we are a lesbian family and she loves Gina (I think even more than me!) Having extended our family has been an interesting experience and makes me feel very blessed to have so many people that love us.

We’ve come along way from the broken little family of three that we were before Gina and I made it a mended little family of four.

Now I picture us more like a patchwork quilt that is all warm and cozy. We’ve settled into Lesbian Parenting quite nicely and we always manage to come out on top. There are a lot of resources available nowadays for blended gay and lesbian families to take advantage of, especially online. Some websites you can visit to learn more about the subject are:

Blended Families.com
Families Like Yours and Mine
About.com Lesbian Home and Family Life
eHow Article: How to Blend Families
eHow Article: How to Be a Step Parent in A Same Sex Relationship

Plus you can always find other lesbian moms to connect with on social sites such as:

Proud Parenting
Olivia
GLEE
Lesbian Moms MeetUp
L-Moms2 on Yahoo!

Maybe I will see you on a message board somewhere, LOL. In the meantime, stay well and thank you for reading about my blended, extended, and mended little family. Until next time have a good one!

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Hello Lesbiatopia Readers and Happy Friday!

My name is Julie Phineas and I am the newest addition to the awesome staff here at The Lesbiatopia Blog as your ‘Lesbian Parenting Guru’. I am very proud and excited to have the opportunity to share my thoughts and insights with you, and I hope you enjoy my posts which I plan to present every other Friday. To let you know a little about me, I am a work at home mom of 2 children, living with my domestic partner, Gina, in Southern California. My children are currently 5 years old and 7 years old, and I’ve got a GREAT woman by my side to share life with. I thought for my first Lesbiatopia post, I would share with you how exactly I became a lesbian mom.

I say that I ‘became’ a lesbian mom because I’ve been a straight mom, a single mom, and a lesbian mom.

I always knew that I wanted to be a mother and when I was young I fantasized about having two children by the time I was 25 years old then working on a career once they were in school. Of course this charted me on course for having kids as soon as I was considered grown.

By the time I was 19 I was engaged to the first guy who asked me to marry him, and I moved off to New York to start a life with him.

Unfortunately, before the wedding could take place I learned that having children with him was not going to happen. This was enough for me to call the wedding off and come back to Cali, where I decided I was going to be an independent woman. I had a short glimpse of what it was like to be a housewife living with my ex in NY, and I was determined not to fall in love or become attached again anytime soon. I started dating a little after a few months and even let my sister convince me to go on a few dates with her husband’s best friend and you’ll never guess what happened…

I got pregnant.

Whoops!

The sad part is that I had a miscarriage about six weeks into it. What happened there though is I got the baby bug in me again and you know what I did… I married the best friend. (*Re-living this is a lil’ painful I might add!) I really wanted to have children, and well, he said that he did too. So about a year later we got married, and three months later I had my new bun in the oven. YAY for the bun!!

That little bun is my little boy… Noah.



He’s seven years old now, and having him really changed my priorities in a snap. Ever since he was born I’ve been doing my best to be the best mom that I can. Even though having my son was the best thing that had happened to me, at the time it was the most confusing phase of my life. The relationship with his father was an illusion of what a relationship should have been, and it was clear to me right away that we needed something different.

I separated from my husband for a few months, and really enjoyed my time as a single mom.

It was during that time that I started exploring who I was more and trying to enjoy life. Gina was a friend of my mom and sisters, and I began to get close with her during this time as well. I hadn’t ever really looked at her as someone I could have a relationship with, I just knew that I really enjoyed her company. With my new found outlook on life though, I was open to the idea and when she expressed her romantic interest in me I accepted the invitation.

This is where things got really confusing and tangled and sordid and everything in between. (*sigh)

Here I was a single mom, estranged from my husband, establishing my independence, and exploring my sexuality. Hmmmmm… can anyone spell ‘recipe for disaster?’ Long story short, I was falling for Gina and loving my independence, but I tried to do what was best for my son and went back to work things out with his father. Try to guess what happened next??

I got pregnant. (again)

Whoops For The 2nd Time.

Needless to say, Gina was never speaking to me again, and I was stuck with the best friend.

Or so it seemed!

In a twisted turn of events, when I was 8 months pregnant with baby #2, Noah’s father was diagnosed with Cancer. (*definately not good.) After the baby was born we began a round of surgeries and medications and luckily he was able to eliminate the illness from his body. What happened here though is that we took a really good look at our lives, and our future together.

Baby #2 was a girl, Trinity Marie – born 2 years apart to the day from her brother.



My divorce was final a few months after her second birthday.

And of course - in true form of lesbians before me - I filed for Domestic Partnership with the True Love of my life, Gina Phineas, just FIVE DAYS after my divorce was final.

(And yes, there was a U-haul involved. *LOL)

So now here I find I have evolved into the role of Lesbian Mom, and my wifey, well, she gets named Recruiter of The Millennium by butch girls everywhere with their eye on the married chick down the street. *HaHaHa



We’ve covered a bit of ground together, and I’ve even got the woman’s last name!

She is ‘Mama’ and I am ‘Mommy’, and even though we have baby daddy drama now and then, the situation works and the kids are doing great! Noah is running for 2nd grade Student Council and Trinity is trying her best not to stand on the tables in Kindergarten. Gina and I have embraced marriage and parenting together (we complement each other very well) and have even entered the world of lesbian baby making!

Even though I’ve been a straight