tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8553107808744980875.post4094519058578807039..comments2008-07-25T09:54:09.131-07:00Renee Gannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12868834978136618763noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8553107808744980875.post-46553479425427330122008-07-25T09:54:00.000-07:002008-07-25T09:54:00.000-07:00My thought is two-fold: <BR/><BR/>1. By letting her go if she needs to go, he is also opening up a possibility to be truly romantically loved as a straight man and straight woman can be. To hold him back when she is not truly 100% there in emotional terms is not fair to him. She is also denying herself an opportunity for the same thing if she stays. She can't develop the full intimacy and emotional and life connection with anyone while in the marriage.<BR/><BR/>2. Divorce sucks, regardless of the reason, but over 50% of married people do it anyway, with or without kids. This would be the best kind of divorce, where both former partners fully support each other. Creative custody, shared family time for holidays - all of those things would be a possibility in this situation that would lessen the burden on the child. And, of course, besides the counseling she really could benefit from during this time - they could all benefit from family counseling to discuss all of their fears, anxieties, and frustrations as they make the transition. Thirteen is a tender age for boys.Hahn at Homehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17340392061207298502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8553107808744980875.post-13020519617988881492008-07-23T18:16:00.000-07:002008-07-23T18:16:00.000-07:00I don't agree. When I came out to my wife, we tried to stay together because it would be better for the kids. She and I had been great friends since 9th grade, and we wanted to continue with the friendship. Well, as time passed, she became suspicious whenever I was apart from her, angry that we no longer had the marriage she believed we had, and bitter over the fact that things were changing. Now, 16 years later, we don't even speak because of all that anger. It probably could have been minimized if we had separated earlier so we could BOTH find our paths in life.<BR/>I do agree that marriages and partnerships are ever-changing, but when you remove the basic reasons for being in a relationship, it's headed for disaster. It would be very unfair for her to stay with her husband.Craig in OKChttp://www.topix.net/member/profile/craiginokcnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8553107808744980875.post-65186393494071935162008-07-23T06:30:00.000-07:002008-07-23T06:30:00.000-07:00I agree; marriage is malleable and if both partners consent to it, then outside activities can be negotiated. Until this woman finds someone she truly wants to commit to, she should not jettison her marriage automatically.<BR/><BR/>The real issue here is the 13yo; they may not understand why mom has left them or broken up with their father. Since the arrangement is at least amicable at this point, I would keep the marriage intact for a few more years, until custody is no longer an issueCpetr13http://www.topix.net/member/profile/cpetr13noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8553107808744980875.post-68041531171110872942008-07-23T06:29:00.000-07:002008-07-23T06:29:00.000-07:00Why is there the assumption in both the letter and the response that she must leave her marriage? It sounds like this man has known she was not straight and accepted it for some time now. Marriage is like a contract, and as time passes, sometimes the terms need to be renegociated. I have been there, I know it can be done, but it's not easy.LindaShttp://www.topix.net/member/profile/lindasnoreply@blogger.com