7/28/12

A Lesbian's View on "Fifty Shades of Grey" By E.L James

A BOOK REVIEW BY CYNTHIA RODRIGUEZ

Why would a full-blown, old veteran dyke be writing a book review on the Straighty McStraighterson book of the year? Well, mostly because I was curious as to what all the hoopla was about. I had an idea, but I don't think I was ready for what was in store. And just for the record, as of yet, I have only read the first book. I do plan on reading the other two, but from what I've heard so far from everyone who's read the rest of the trilogy, it doesn't seem like I'm missing much. The word that keeps popping up the most is REPETITIVE. Okay, so for those who are STILL in the dark as to what is "FIFTY SHADES OF GREY", (HELLO, where have you been? Under a rock?), here it be in a sorta nutshell: a beautiful, college graduate is sucked into the Marquis De Sade world of a young, handsome, successful, business man named Christian Grey. Like a mullet, he's all business in the front, and all "red room of pain" party in the back. By day he is all Trump-like powerful business man, but by night with his chosen ladies he is as big, fat, freak-a-leek as they come. Can you imagine how many straight laced looking guys out there are really like this? Yes, they really do exist. You know you're out there you freakshows. But I digress. So, boy and girl meet. Boy whips girls ass with a flogger (Google it). Boy and girl fall in love. Girl leaves boy because he is emotionally unavailable. The end. Of course, I've left out the best part which is what obviously has made this trilogy a one-handed reading best seller. SEX. But not just any ol' "vanilla" sex. We are talking bondage, S&M, the good stuff, even if in light, soft core portions. It has been dubbed "mommy porn" because of it's seemingly popularity among housewives. (SEE SNL PARODY and you'll know what I mean). Apparently hardware stores are now selling out on it's most common items such as duct tape, and rope to appease this curious crowd of horny houswives. How 'bout THAT for a reality show? We have the "O.C Housewives", Atlanta, NYC, etc. How about the "FIFTY SHADES OF GREY HOUSEWIVES"? We'd see husbands coming home from work and before they know it, they'd have a gagball shoved into their mouths, and be hanging upside down wearing a collar, and a cock ring. I for one have absolutely nothing against the wonderful world of S&M. I have done more than my share of partaking. Nothing wrong with a little consensual pleasure & pain between two (or more) partners to spice things up. My biggest concern for these novices would be that they don't know what they are doing and accidently REALLY hurt themselves (and not in a good way). I wouldn't be surprised if we started seeing people making trips to the E.R for things like missing testicles, or candlewax stuck in an anus.
I can see why people say it's unrealistic. The main things that really pull on my nipple clamps in a bad way is one, how extremely annoyingly control freak Christian Grey is. I mean, really? That shit gets old real quick. No matter how much money you have. You don't tell a woman what to eat cuz you know she will cut a bitch. And two, for a VIRGIN she doesn't seem very virginly. "Oh my, he made me cum like 100 times, and I am a certified expert at giving head the VERY first time!" AS IF. (Okay, so she didn't really say that in the book, but you get the idea.) I mean seriously, only LESBIANS are that good with women, lol. J/k. (not really kidding). I feel so dirty after O.D'ing in so much hetero nookie reading. I've decided I need a break from it by diving into some good Lesbian erotica. Time for some good girl on girl action. Then I will feel normal again. As far as the book goes, it is entertaining in it's own ways. Personally, I find it quite amusing, and cute. Such a novelty. I can see the appeal. Quite frankly I'm downright jealous and kicking myself in the ass that I didn't come up with this trilogy myself. Maybe I can think of a Lesbian version that can go mainstream. "If you liked 50 Shades of Grey, you'll LOVE 50 Shades of LAVENDER!" Or something like that. Oh well. One can dream, right? Laters, baby.



9 comments:

Mima said...

THank you Cynthia for saving me the trouble! I was curious just because there was so much talk about it but I held back simply because it is a straight book. Now that you saved me the time, energy and money, I walk away and say "no thanks"...

Renee Gannon said...

Nice Review Cynthia! .. I will add my thoughts soon, I'm about halfway through the series

Tati said...

Having been a bored housewife for years I totally got into the 1st book. I love a man with an attitude that knows what he wants, and better yet knows how to take what he wants... so not vanilla... so 50 Shades of Delicious! But these "50 Shades of Fucked Up" are not the kind of men that fall in love (.) <--- Period! All they really want is to dominate you, have their way with you, toss you around like a hot pancake in their bed (speaking from experience), and much to my luck my 50 Shades was AWESOME (yes, Christian Grey I came every time/multiple times AWESOME). But then I was 50 shades of fucked up myself after I fell in love with Mr. Wrong. Just like our sweet Anastasia, I wanted *more*

These 50 Shades of Fucked Up guys may be awesome in bed, but they suck at relationships! And that's the truth, well... my truth anyways.

Nae Nae said...

good review Cindy, true story for the most part...of course without having read the next two books it's not QUITE all true lol....and the part about him being controlling...I think what you learn as you keep reading is that he ATTEMPTING control and not getting it. This girl challenges him, defies him, doesn't do what he says and he's not used to that. SHE has the control and that's what unravels him. She holds the cards in the end..I do however agree that she is WAY over aggressive and "all knowing" in the sex department for a virgin. I mean really no one is THAT experimental the first few times. Ya gotta ease into these things (no pun intended) ...and OVERLY excitable..seriously? She orgasms as soon as he looks at her...one could only wish....

J said...

Fabulously accurate review. I was given the book as a gag gift (pun intended). Took me a while to pick it up. It is a fluffy little book.

Sidenote: after reading "50 Shades" I realized that yes, I was in fact very gay and came out one week later. True story.

Anonymous said...

I read the damn thing because Im sort of an old housewife lol, more like a girl in her 30's whose never been married but been in 2 different long term relationships (with men) over the last 14 yeaars; and NEVER been sexually satisfied. Im convinced that men only enjoy "talking" about sex and not actually having it. I have teased for years that im gonna go lesbian but this book made me SERIOUSLY think about it! Prob is that im so down about my body. I picture these flawless (or nearly) women and yet realize that they would not be sexually attracted to me. Christian Grey makes me wanna sexy my body up so i can chase the girl of my dreams lol

Anonymous said...

Great review and thanks for the summary, but I'd rather read lesbian erotica. Thank you very much. ;)

Lisbet said...

I was on my lunchbreak, sitting in my car reading when I got to the first "love scene". I laughed so hard tears ran down my face. Fantasy? Yes, yes it is. Supposedly she has the first orgasm of her life because he blows across her nipples. Now THAT is funny!!!

Liberty Silvagni said...

Everyone is rambling about this over sensationalized book about well, romance and stuff. As a human being full of curiosity, I checked cargo shipping rates and voila, I got myself a copy -which was by the way, a very disappointing move. Oh well, different folks, different strokes.

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