Transgendered at Age 9: How One School is Teaching Kids Tolerance at a Young Age
One of our readers contacted Lesbiatopia Monday, informing us about a developing story coming out of the Philadelphia suburb of Haverford Township, PA.
It seems the parents of a 9-year-old third-grade student approached school administrators on April 16 to ask for help in making a "social transition" for their transgendered child. The Haverford School District then consulted with some experts on the subject of trangenderism in children, among them, an organization called TransYouth Family Allies, to get advice on how they should proceed.
Haverford School District officials came up with a plan that called for notifying the parents and about 100 third-grade students at the child’s school to tell them that they would be holding an information session for the students to explain why their classmate would now wear girls' clothes and be called by a girl's name.
While it seems this student classmates have taken it all in stride and really don’t think it a big deal, not so some of these third graders parents.
I spoke yesterday with Ms. Shannon Garcia of TransYouth Family Allies on the phone about all of this.
Shannon, a mother of six, has an 8-year-old transgendered daughter who was born a boy; she is the president of TransYouth Family Allies, an organization she Co-Founded in 2006.
Ms Garcia told me that the non-profit organization has provided educational and referral services to at least 65 other families with children who have gender dysphoria or gender identity issues in the past. The Haverford School District and the child’s parents sought help in addressing the matter and thus contacted TransYouth Family Allies to help them formulate a plan to make their child's transition easier. She said a decision was made that a counselor would talk to the third-graders about their transgendered classmate because of anticipated questions that would arise when the child arrived at school in girl's attire after previously dressing as a boy.
Things were going well until several of the other student's parents got upset. Eight of them called the schools principal to ask that their child not attend the session. One went on a local blog expressing displeasure at the School Districts decision to discuss this with the students. It was not long after that other parents went to the local Philadelphia media outlets. On Saturday the Philadelphia Inquirer ran a story where they named the child's school, while the local paper the Delco Times showed they respected the child's privacy and refused to do so. Monday, the local CBS Television affiliate had a remote truck camped outside the school, trying to get parents and students reactions along with a shot of the student herself.
While researching this story I found out from a local blogger that one parent has even gone as far as to contact Fred Phelps from the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, who is well-known in LGBT communities for picketing gay pride events and funerals. Several right wing and white supremest sites have also weighted in on all of this today and there has been an abundance of homophobic comments and downright hateful language on these forums.
It doesn't matter what people's opinion on the subject is, this is a 9-year-old child, whose mother has aided in a decision regarding the identity of their gender, and the bottom line is that this child has the right to be protected, both in and out of school.
While I am not an expert in an way on transgender issues, speaking with Ms. Garcia about her struggle in dealing with it in her own life, she spoke words and expressed feelings that resonates with each and every one of us in the LGBT community:
"I have yet to meet a parent who did not fight this kicking and screaming," she said. "None of us want this for our children, none of us want to go there, but it gets to the point where it's not a choice anymore."
Ms. Garcia says letting her own child dress and act as a girl was the right decision.
"I went from a suicidal child to a child who tries out for a lead part in the play," she said. "I knew society wasn't going to be accepting, but my choices were, do this and have a happy, alive girl or have an unhappy, dead boy. So we did what we needed." As a mother I can so understand where she was coming from.
As a mother and a lesbian I had to ask myself, what would I do if one of my girls told me one day that she was really my son? That her “gender identity” was not matching her “assigned gender”? Knowing what I did about my own struggles with sexual orientation, I knew that from as far back as I can remember, I was attracted to other girls and that my first crush, at 8 years old, was on one of my female classmates. While I know gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely separate matters, I also know that some nine year olds have to deal with these kinds of issues. Would I do what these parents in Pennsylvania did when they went to the school to spare their child the years of abuse, bullying and misery, because they are different and their classmate fear and misunderstand them?
You bet your sweet ass I would.
Ms. Garcia told me that the reason this information session was held at the school was that it was thought that if you educate children early and teach them that all people are different, hopefully they will learn to be tolerant of those differences. They will learn that their friend is still their friend but that he is now a she, and that's perfectly ok. No one was trying to push any agenda, they were simply trying to explain the definition of what being transgendered is to avoid any confusion in the future.
In preparing this article I learned a lot about transgenderism that I did not know before I started. I also was quite pleased to find out that there is an organization out there like TransYouth Family Allies and school administrators like the ones in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania that will place a child needs first.
On February 12, 2008, a 15-year-old trangendered student at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California, named Larry King was shot and killed by a classmate. Brandon McInerney, that classmate has been charged with murder. Two lives were destroyed in that tragedy of ignorance. Hopefully TransYouth Family Allies and the school administrators in Haverford Township have prevented that from happening again by holding this info session.
Change starts at home, but unfortunately, a lot of parents are not open to educating both themselves and their children on GLBT issues. It is great that the kids in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania have responded so well to the information session but is also unfortunate and sad that the parents did not. To see these parents respond with hate, homophobia and bigotry just goes to show that equality and tolerance are still a long way away.
Interested in learning more about transgender individuals and gender identity, here is a great Q&A from the American Psychological Association
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You know it's funny, I've heard so many times from the heterosexual community that Transgendered people should "accept the biological body they were born with"; they probably say this because they don't understand or cannot sympathize with a transgendered person. Well, I say to these people that you should choose to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you make judgments on them. And if you are going to use that argument, you should probably also go after every person who ever got plastic surgery or made any other kind of change to their physical appearance.
People also seem to confuse "transgendered" with "transsexual" and I see the terms being interchanged frequently, when in fact they are very different. In this case, a 3rd grade boy is transgendered, he believes he should have been born a girl but neither his mother nor him want to give him surgery or alter his sex. If he wants to dress and act like a girl, I see absolutely no harm in this, and I applaud both his mother for supporting his happiness, and the school for educating the other students to be tolerant. Having gender identity issues does not make him emotionally or mentally unstable and it doesn't make him any different from the other students. In fact, it makes him pretty clear-headed to be able to recognize that within himself at such a young age.
There has been a lot of negative feedback and homophobic actions in response to this situation, and fortunately, we are no longer living in the stone-ages and so it is quite plausible that we would expect our society to progress according to the needs of modern men and women. GLBT issues may not have been an "issue" in the past, but society needs to accept that more than 10% of the population is gay, lesbian or transgendered. Sexual orientation or sexual identity does not define a person as a whole entity; any person still deserves the right to be treated humanely and as equals to any other person in society, as long as they abide by the laws and remain as upstanding citizens. There is no reason why they should be deemed as "freaks" or "deviants" because of how they identify. They have done nothing wrong other than try to live their left according to who they believe they truly are, just as anyone else would do. That is exactly what this brave 3rd grader is doing.
No one ever asks anyone to live their life in a way that makes them uncomfortable or unhappy, and if they find themselves in that type of situation, they deserve to take a stand for what they believe is right for themselves. I've said it before and I'll say it again, before anyone makes judgments on someone, put yourself in their shoes. Being gay, lesbian or transgendered in not a CHOICE; no one would willingly present themselves to a world of hatred, homophobia and threat, but we will be proud of who we are, what we've accomplished and the fact that we are living our lives in a way that makes us happy.
Seeing the types of remarks on the white-supremecist forum and seeing someone actually contact extreme homophone Fred Phelps, just makes me want to fight for GLBT rights that much more. For anyone that has ever quoted the bible out of context in support of homophobia or used the defense that the GLBT community is ruining the "traditional values of family and society", I ask them to step outside the box, stop using the Bible as a rubric for your arguments and take the opportunity to actually form your own thoughts, ideas and opinions. Base them not on what you might have learned from a piece of literature written thousands of years ago, but rather on your personal experiences with people, love, life and society. If you must quote the Bible, use this one taken from John 8:7, it's my favorite (and I'm not even Christian):
"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"
Everyone should spend more time putting love in the world than trying to take it away.
Lesberita--
normal people don't think about transgendered issues because we don't care. and when we do think about them, it's because faggots do something stupid like try to teach a nine year old that HE is a faggot too.
You know Anon I realize that you choose to use the word faggot to shock and deliberately cause offense and also to show that somehow you think you self superior, but in reality all you just did here was expose your ignorance to the world and let our reader know that there are still people like you out, that need to be educated and challenged.
I can also see from your comment that someone who lives life in a manner quite different that you do represents a threat to you, a threat to your ego in the sense that maybe your own choices may prove not to be optimal.
Yes Anon I see nothing but fear in your comment, a fact that was only emphasized by you choosing not to leave your name. Could it be you know that most “normal people” reading your comment will view your use of the word faggot in this context as ignorant? Did not want to be held responsible for your comment because you know that expressing your thoughts as you just did that most “normal people” will think you nothing but a stupid bigot?
Yes I can see you hate “faggots” but I can also see you know that ‘normal people” hate bigots.
here is another thought for you Anon...
Someday the way the Haverford school system handled this situation with be the way all school systems handle it, because they would rather piss off anonymous ignorant bigots like you then see anymore dead kids and that you can take to the bank.
Perhaps you should remove "Anonymous's" comment, because it is pretty hateful...
Earlier this year an 8-year-old child in Colorado made a similar transition with the support of her family and school.
See this YouTube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiIKEdrotRE
dear paul the surf retard,
shove fucking off. i was mildly amused by your gay-rights-handbook psychoanalysis, but your theories are pretty silly considering we don't know each other.
also, your prediction about "all school systems" is absurd. if you step out of your fag community bubble for five minutes, you'll find that everyone who is not a hippy or die-hard leftist thinks your lifestyle is filthy.
-anon
p.s. shut up randomkid.
This situation hits close to home because the Transgendered Teen who was shot and killed this past February in California - my home state, and basically my neck of the woods. It is scary to know that the school system my children are in contains discrimination not from the teachers or admin, but the other students who are carrying out their parents ideas. I pray for the mother in Philadelphia and the whole family, and I am in reverence of her for what she did to stand up for her daughter. PLus, they should know that there are many of us out there in the world who are not TG but support the rights of others to live their lives happy, and we are proud of them and hope that others learn from the shining example they have given the world by standing up for what is right.
WOW that anon person is really angry at gays... you know what that means ladies - anon is projecting! And you know what, I put my name out there and yes I'm a big faggot lesbo - oooh big deal. I still have to pay my freakin taxes!! So I have as much a right to live my life being what you call 'filthy' as you do being an asshole - yeah I said it, so piss off and go find some bigot blog to post on. You know you only found this site cause you were lookin for lesbian pics anyway - well here you go you got us!! And guess what ANON, we care about everyone's rights, even yours, so leave the 9 yr old kid and Paula alone, and feel free to find another forum for your unproductive opinion.
Peace and Blessings to You and Yours ANON!
Signed,
~Julie Phineas~
PS Dear Lesbiatopia...I'm sorry for yelling. Please resume your lesbian reading duties. Thank You. ~JP~
ANON, your ignorance is barely worthy of this comment. I support my wife and believe me when I say that I am entitled to live my life without your opinions and hatred and I will do just that. If living in your anger is your thing, live on, keep on doing what you do behind the name ANONYMOUS because YOU are the one afraid. We deal with enough just trying to raise OUR children and be a part of this place called Earth. The time will come when we all have to answer for the good and bad things we have said and done in this life, and you better hope that the good Lord looks down on you kindly for causing so much pain to the children He or She made. Yup ANON, we are all part of the big plan, not just you and your bigot brothers! So have a good life and just know that your way of living will be a thing of the past. And drink plenty of fluids, they don't serve ice water in Hell. hint hint
uh, btw, 'g'--
you are off your fucking rocker. i didn't say anything about children or god or good or bad.
but while we're on the subject:
AS A STRAIGHT MAN RAISED BY A STRAIGHT MAN AND A STRAIGHT WOMAN, I AM GLAD I WASN'T RAISED BY A FAGGOT WOMAN AND A A FAGGOT WOMAN, OR A FAGGOT WOMAN AND A FAGGOT WOMAN.
what, is that some surprise, faggots?
man + woman + kid = OK, cool.
woman + man + kid = OK, cool.
woman + woman + kid = oh shit, i'm raised by faggots.
man + man + kid = oh shit, i'm raised by faggots.
--------
man + hippy parents + woman + hippy parents + berkeley = my 9 year old has a penis, but i wish i was a faggot, so i'm going to tell him he is a faggot. "RUW ROWH!" he got the shit kicked out of him for pretending he has titties--OK, i'm going to tell him he is a FAGGOT and a WOMAN, and i am going to tell his school board that he is a FAGGOT and a WOMAN.
person + this site = "oh shit, i'm a faggoty minority and i'm out of touch with the world, but blah blah blah blah blah blah blah isn't fair. and i am anti-war"
Thank you Paula The Surf Mom for provided invaluable information about what is happening in our community. It is always a pleasure to read your post. Thank you again
Anon we believe in open debate, discussion and discourse as much as any site... We what to know what our readers think about our articles.
But we do not believe that anyone should be abusive in that debate, discussion and discourse.
From the language you have used and the abusive tone you have taken with the other commenter's, I can only conclude that you are a rabid homophobe and bigot. I am sure anyone reading your comments came away with that impression as well.
You are entitled to your opinions, but till you are ready to express them in civil manner you are no longer going to be allowed to comment on this site. Sorry.
It makes me sad to read this thought-provoking article about transgendered kids only to have it followed up by snarky comments by both sides. The focus should be on the child and the issue, not anonymous attackers being hateful and our rabid resonses to them.
I agree that this should have been a discussion on the article and its topic...
I wrote this article to focus on the fact that this was not a choice for this child... That what the school system did is what had to happen. It was the right thing to do.
I made a lot of calls in researching this article, many of them up to PA. I talked to many of the parties involved in this story , unfortunately I heard a lot of what we just heard here in our comments from many of them.
This article was very informational. I had no idea that kids as young as 8 were realizing that they were born in the wrong body. It just gives me a slight hope that in the years to come that people will be more educated and that this world will be more of a tolerant based world.