4/7/08

The Lesbian Bride Chronicles: Finding a Lesbian Wedding Dress

The thing that's important to know is that I hate dresses. I know some lesbians who love dresses, and some who hate them even more than I do. But I generally consider myself to be closer to the butch end of the spectrum. So when it came to picking out our wedding outfits, I wasn't sure which direction to go. Some lesbians look good in pantsuits. I never have. So I didn’t consider wearing a suit for my wedding, even though I do tend to hate dresses. I haven’t worn a dress since being a bridesmaid in my MOH's (that's maid of honor, for those of you not familiar with wedding acronyms) wedding almost two years ago. But I view occasions like graduations and weddings as opportunities for a costume. Dresses are so far from my normal wardrobe (sloppy jeans and t-shirts or, if I’m dressing up, a Polo) that it does feel like costuming. Since a wedding is such a production, an honest, earnest one, but a production nonetheless (something heightened by the fact that Luck was a theater major and I grew up in my parents’ community theater and we have set ourselves the task of memorizing our vows), it only makes sense to dress the part.

I remember when my wedding dress arrived in the mail. I discovered the simple slip dress online at David's Bridal. Even though I kind of hate that store, my budget just doesn't allow for fancy bridal shops, and I can’t justify spending obscene cash on a dress that I’ll wear once. But that’s not to say I didn’t care about what I’d be wearing. For some people, the dress is one of the most important parts, and I think that's fine. For me, I just wanted something pretty; I wanted something simple, not too feminine, not puffy, no skirts full of tulle or crinoline. It was only available online, so I couldn’t try it on, but there was a special feature. You could press a button: “see this dress in motion” and the model would come to life, swaying from side to side and then twirling, the ivory fabric flowing like soft water around her legs. This was The Dress.

I’d heard other women talk about this feeling—they compare it to the moment when they knew their partner was The One. Often it comes when trying on dresses in the store, stepping onto the pedestal surrounded by mirrors, opening your eyes and looking around. Magazines call it the, “Oh, Mom” moment. Tears fall, your mother and maid of honor flock to your side and coo. “Oh, this is it! This is The One!” The dress you’ll be married in, the dress you will wear on the most important day of your life, the dress you’ll be wearing when the other One sees you for the first time as his wife. When I watched the dress move, I couldn’t help but imagine it swirling around my toes, or how good I would look in the gown, and how Luck’s eyes would fill with tears as she saw me walking toward her.

But that aisle walk is something else we wanted to reconsider. I don't want my father to walk me down the aisle like I'm chattel he's giving away. And deciding who walks down the aisle first made us certain that we didn't want to set up some bride/groom paradigm--even though people are constantly asking us who is "the guy" and who's "the girl." I don't try to explain lesbian gender dynamics, because it's not that simple. Both of us are more butch than femme, though I'm more likely to wear a girly shirt, and Luckdragon is the ice hockey goalie and I'm the poet. But one thing we knew was that we wanted to approach this marriage together.

So these two soft butch girls will be walking down the aisle together, in dresses.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awwwh, congrats, I'm you two will look beautiful! May your married life be a blessed one! =)

trixiebelden91 said...

I once tried a (prom) dress on in high school but thought it was too expensive so didn't get it...but for days all I could think about was that dress, so I finally went back and got it. That was...almost 6 years ago and it is still my favorite dress ever ever ever. So yay for finding your
"one" ... dress and Luck!

<3<3

Desaray said...

So these two soft butch girls will be walking down the aisle together, in dresses

well put :)

Lesberita said...

I hate dresses too, but I'll probably wear one on my wedding day, funny how that happens.

Anonymous said...

I plan on a compromise...a flowy off-white pants suit. Preferably with a few sparkles :-) Now I only have to find someone who makes one...

nottoobutch said...

hey,
i have found myself in the exact same predicament :-S im not quite butch enough for a suit but i certainly dont have the shoudlers for a "frock" as the granny calls it and my endless days of googling "lesbian wedding dresses" have proven helpless. if any1 has any ideas or website links which may help please send me them :-) woman on the edge here! lol

Anonymous said...

I know I'll get hammered for this but I would just like to thank you gays/lesbians for ruining one of the most beautiful things that ONLY a MAN (& a WOMEN) can share!!! I'm not against your segment of the society & think you have EVERY right to have a civil/ceremonie just not marriage!

Anonymous said...

oh yes, just like the sacred divorce that the church of England derived from. It is your ignorance that keeps you in the dark ages

lorilhahn said...

Re: Anonymous
I think you might go back and revisit the purpose and history of marriage throughout the annals of time in the world before making what is clearly a cry for attention on a blog for lesbians. Marriage in this country is governed by civil, not religious law. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable living in a country where the religious rule - perhaps Iran. Here, people are equal - and right now, some still remain more equal than others. That too will change.

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