Lesbians: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. It's inevitable that when you have two women dating, living together and sharing their pets, you're bound to encounter drama. I have a friend whose three-year relationship has just gone down the drain. It's always sad to see a relationship come to an end; we've all been down that road before and know how heartbreakingly painful it can be. The one thing I notice with lesbian break-ups is that they are never short and sweet. When lesbians say, "it's over", it's usually done over a 3 - 6 month period dotted with emotional "I love you's" and fanatical "I hate you's". Why is it that gay women have such a hard time ending their relationships? I'm no relationship expert but my guess is that women are too nice to say "I don't love you anymore" but too cruel to have the decency to just walk away.
One thing I've noticed during the demolition of a lesbian relationship (that is not mutually terminated) is that at least one of the women tends to "go a little crazy." Let me elaborate. The mature thing to do would be to accept the fact that you're girlfriend/lover/wife does not share the same feelings as she used to. She wants out and is probably not looking to work on things anymore. She sits you down and "has the talk". As sad and unfortunate as it is, there are a few things that you should NOT do during this period:
- Hacking into your ex's email address/myspace/bank account.
- Putting all of her things on the lawn.
- Threatening to take Fluffy and never letting her see him again.
- Stealing her phone bill and calling all of the unrecognizable numbers to find out who they are.
- Locking the doors to your apt and hiding the key.
- Conspicuously following her around the city, to work, to the coffee shop etc.
- texting/calling at all hours of the night
-Telling people she has Herpes.
- Saying that the whole relationship was a living hell.
Here are a few things you might want to consider instead:
- Calling your therapist (instead of your lawyer)
- Looking back on happy memories
- Thinking of all the fun things you can do now that you're single
- Joining a fun new group where you can make some great new friends
- Trying to reconcile your differences and work on a friendship
- Start dating again
- Move very far away if, after all this, you still feel compelled to become a psycho ex-girlfriend
I know all break-ups can suffer from the same insane behaviors, but no one can drag it out quite like my lesbian sisters (you've done it too, don't deny it!) The bottom line is, if you're going through a breakup, don't do it alone. Seek out friends, family, therapy, a lobotomy (although not recommend), etc. Talk about your feelings, release the hurt and the pain, and try to stay positive. Just because your relationship is ending, doesn't mean your life is over. There are plenty more fish in the sea and just think of all the great things you've learned about yourself in the process. I know what you're thinking, this is all easier said than done.
If you're the dumpee and are still feeling the urge to get a little crazy, watch this incredibly well done video montage set to the song "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. It's from 'The L Word' where Alice goes cuckoo after being dumped by Dana and although Alice is truly a psychotic ex-girlfriend in these clips, I still love her (but if you're feeling a little crazy, hopefully it will make you think twice about doing something stupid).
Have a crazy ex-girlfriend story? We'd love to hear it.