11/2/07

When Lesbians Go Crazy

Lesbians: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. It's inevitable that when you have two women dating, living together and sharing their pets, you're bound to encounter drama. I have a friend whose three-year relationship has just gone down the drain. It's always sad to see a relationship come to an end; we've all been down that road before and know how heartbreakingly painful it can be. The one thing I notice with lesbian break-ups is that they are never short and sweet. When lesbians say, "it's over", it's usually done over a 3 - 6 month period dotted with emotional "I love you's" and fanatical "I hate you's". Why is it that gay women have such a hard time ending their relationships? I'm no relationship expert but my guess is that women are too nice to say "I don't love you anymore" but too cruel to have the decency to just walk away.

One thing I've noticed during the demolition of a lesbian relationship (that is not mutually terminated) is that at least one of the women tends to "go a little crazy." Let me elaborate. The mature thing to do would be to accept the fact that you're girlfriend/lover/wife does not share the same feelings as she used to. She wants out and is probably not looking to work on things anymore. She sits you down and "has the talk". As sad and unfortunate as it is, there are a few things that you should NOT do during this period:

- Hacking into your ex's email address/myspace/bank account.
- Putting all of her things on the lawn.
- Threatening to take Fluffy and never letting her see him again.
- Stealing her phone bill and calling all of the unrecognizable numbers to find out who they are.
- Locking the doors to your apt and hiding the key.
- Conspicuously following her around the city, to work, to the coffee shop etc.
- texting/calling at all hours of the night
-Telling people she has Herpes.
- Saying that the whole relationship was a living hell.

Here are a few things you might want to consider instead:
- Calling your therapist (instead of your lawyer)
- Looking back on happy memories
- Thinking of all the fun things you can do now that you're single
- Joining a fun new group where you can make some great new friends
- Trying to reconcile your differences and work on a friendship
- Start dating again
- Move very far away if, after all this, you still feel compelled to become a psycho ex-girlfriend

I know all break-ups can suffer from the same insane behaviors, but no one can drag it out quite like my lesbian sisters (you've done it too, don't deny it!) The bottom line is, if you're going through a breakup, don't do it alone. Seek out friends, family, therapy, a lobotomy (although not recommend), etc. Talk about your feelings, release the hurt and the pain, and try to stay positive. Just because your relationship is ending, doesn't mean your life is over. There are plenty more fish in the sea and just think of all the great things you've learned about yourself in the process. I know what you're thinking, this is all easier said than done.

If you're the dumpee and are still feeling the urge to get a little crazy, watch this incredibly well done video montage set to the song "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. It's from 'The L Word' where Alice goes cuckoo after being dumped by Dana and although Alice is truly a psychotic ex-girlfriend in these clips, I still love her (but if you're feeling a little crazy, hopefully it will make you think twice about doing something stupid).



Have a crazy ex-girlfriend story? We'd love to hear it.

11 comments:

dubbs said...

I've had crazy girlfriends and I have had "crazy" girlfriends.

Huge difference. LOL!

jenna said...

Never get involved too fast in an internet relationship. I texted this woman last thurs (today is tues) and we spoke on the phone for four hours each night the following nights. To make a long story short, she told me she loved me via text and phone, told me she was over her ex, and got upset when I said I think we should slow down. Of course I believed what she said because I'm an an emotional fuckwit like that, and I fell for her. She drove 2 hours to see me and then wouldn't even talk to me but then cuddled me in bed later that night. The next day she told me she wasn't over her ex and left, she spent the rest of the day texting me to tell me about the other women she was going to shag later that night.. What the fuck! I'm seriously considering going back to dating men as I know I won't get emotionally invovlved ie hurt.. The funny thing about it is the first thing she said to me is she doesn't like mind games - well lmao I don't think she has a fucking clue what mind games are...

Anonymous said...

Golly Jenna. You're a moron.

Ange said...

Not a moron, maybe a little naive though. Avoid the internet, its all bad. You could meet someone like Anonymous..

Anonymous said...

Lesbians are absolute NUTS.. they just don't have any. I've been scared str8. No thanks. 10 yrs and too many crazies.. dicks seem fine now. I can control a penis and can sympathize with men now!

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! I dated a girl for 2 yrs and talk about a bunch of F'ing drama. We made a great couple visually, 2 blonde surfer girls together, she was 10 yrs older than me and was violent when she didnt get her way. Many lesbians are insecure and that is an easy start on drama just right there. So I decided to switch vonage, jk.. MEN... and yes penis is more controllable and I figured I would get less emotionally involved. Breaking up is a whole other issue, I dont want this crazy girl doing crazy stuff... its been pure hell. Its sad, I love women and now im considering men again. WTF is wrong with that picture? u tell me

Anonymous said...

"omg girls we're screwed up x.x "

sorry for b-words

Anonymous said...

Mein Schnitzel is mein Fuhrer, mein chicken Flappel weiner, mein sausage weiner Klungen Fuhrer's schnitzel is mein weiner.

Oh and lesbian sex is disgusting and wrong. That's why you all feel bad because its sinful and wrong.

If you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour you will be freed from sin. Do it, its worth it.

Anonymous said...

And THIS is why I waited till I was in my late 20s to come out. Geesh, women are CRAZY. However, not the ones I pick. hehehe. Seriously, we need to slow down and be rational about what we're doing and who we are picking as a partner. We need to date more. Get to know each other...maybe wait a month before having sex OR professing our love. Love take TIME, and shared experiences (good and bad)...it does not happen in a month worth of texts. If you want a good and happy relationship with a normal person, start doing your due diligence people!! :)

Anonymous said...

"Lesbians: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

I concur to that statement. Personally, I CAN live without them. Crazy psycho bitches belong in a mental institution, not a sane society. They belong in the closets!

You should stop playing pretend. In other words, you should dating chicks who THINK they are "men" & should get with the REAL thing. Also, we all know deep down you ladies crave cock, so quit lying to yourself about "not liking it dick".

Seriously, rug munchers are so effed up. Anyone with basic common sense will tell you dating a woman who thinks she's a man is still a WOMAN regardless how "manly" she thinks she is. So she still is going to have her periods, mentural cycles, mood swings, etc...you know, the stuff we guys don't go through (sucker! lol).

Such amount of sheer stupidity amazes me

It is in my honest opinion you lesbians are....MORONS & that you should go sodomized yourselves with a giant platoon.

Go F yourselves, dykes

Anonymous said...

BTW ladies, after reading your comments, I can safely say THANK YOU for proving homosexuality is a CHOICE...I always knew it was

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