Lesbiatopia

It seems like, over the past couple of years, the U.K. has been not-so-gently reminding the U.S. that we used to create great music but that we have lapsed. As the U.S. fell into the increasingly repetitive and unimaginative abyss of the looped drum machines and hoarse screaming of Southern crunk rap, the U.K. has imported gems like Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen, The Streets, Lady Sovereign, M.I.A., and Mika. Enter Duffy, the newest import from the U.K., who, even before she released her album yesterday in the U.S., has already been nominated for a LOGO NewNowNext Award.



Duffy has been touted as the second coming of Winehouse, except without the crack addiction. Last year, Amy Winehouse sang the memorable words "No, No, No!" in her breakout single "Rehab." But this year, Duffy's first words in her inaugural release "Mercy," which has been in constant rotation on VH1, were "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Perhaps she is the anti-Winehouse.

Duffy released her album "Rockferry" in the U.S. on Tuesday, and it has already reached #3 on iTunes. She also sold out her show at NYC's Apollo Theater. Most of the tracks on the album are a bit more soulful and loungey than the danceable "Mercy," so this is definitely an album to unwind to after a long day. The vocals are powerful, and the production is retro-fabulous. I predict a Grammy nomination.

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There is a website with tools that are helping lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness of families like ours. Buddy G: My Two Moms and Me is a cartoon especially for gay families with a website to match found at www.BuddyG.tv. I was able to watch a clip of the first episode of the Buddy G cartoon on the website, and I have to say I was excited to see another cartoon where families like mine are represented. I was even more excited when I found that the Buddy G TV website also offers printable cartoon pages, online jigsaw puzzles, and related videos for LGBT families. I printed out a few of the coloring pages right away, and slipped them into the pile of pages during coloring time, then put them on the fridge for the world to see. Since then, many visitors to my home have commented on the Buddy G coloring pages, and how cool they are. I feel like they walk away with a little more of a sense of how normal gay families really are.



When I ventured in to learn a bit more about Buddy G and how I could get the DVD, I found that Buddy G has received a lot of press and media attention, while promoting other two-mommy media such as the DVD Dottie’s Magic Pockets. I fell in like with Buddy G right away and he is now a friend of mine on MySpace. *smile* I learned from Donna, Margaux and Grayson, the family behind Buddy G, that one little girl carries the DVD in her backpack to prove to other kids that “there are lots of families like hers - they even have a cartoon!” This is awesome to know, because children of lesbian moms are being validated as equally as special as all the other children in the world since they are represented in a cartoon. The Buddy G DVD and website is great for showing children of lesbian moms that they are not the only children in the world with two moms, and helps to reinforce a positive view of LGBT families. Plus sharing the coloring pages with my nieces and nephews shows them that their Aunties aren’t the only ones with a two mommy family.



Here is what the Buddy G website says about how the show came to be:

We know we are a minority and that most kids have a mom and a dad, but for little guys like our son we thought wouldn’t it be grand if there were something more available to them. Something like a cartoon, like a Caillou with two moms or dads. The more we talked about it the more important it became. It was almost like, if we didn’t do something about it after we had this fantastic idea, then we were somehow being irresponsible parents. So out of that, “Buddy G” was born. It took longer, cost more and was way harder then we thought it would be, but we couldn’t be happier or more proud of the cartoon and the potential it represents. “Buddy G” has added incredible joy to our family and we hope he adds a little happiness to yours.

Sincerely,

Margaux, Donna and Grayson

I feel a sense of relief that there are people out there like Donna, Margaux and Grayson who are brave enough to fill the void in the LGBT community for two-mommy media, and provide tools to help lesbian moms and their children to raise awareness for LGBT families in a fun and positive way. It’s also good to know that the Buddy G website is expanding in the near future to provide even more Buddy G fun and games for the kids. If you are a lesbian mom, there are also fun things for you at the Buddy G website too! You can find videos and more for LGBT parents here. In the meantime, you can order the DVD below plus you can add Buddy G as your friend on MySpace here.



I am really looking forward to the expansion of the Buddy G TV website, and for other two mommy media products to provide awareness tools for their products such as coloring pages and online games for the children. Even something as simple as seeing a two mommy family on paper helps make the world more aware of how normal an LGBT family really is. Thanks Buddy G!.

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In honor of what I call "Pride Season", which is the time of year when Pride Celebrations kick-off around the country, I'm really gearing up to celebrate all the pride I have for my GLBT community. I wanted to share this article with you that I wrote about a year ago when I was a blogger for AOL's QueerSighted.com. I wanted to let the GLBT community know that they should be proud of who they are, and to never let anyone tell them otherwise.

The article itself was inspired by something to someone once said to me, and I quote, "I wouldn't mind gay people if they would just blend in with the rest of the population. Why do they have to flaunt their sexuality?"

I took this statement home with me, I pondered it and it reverberated. I decided I had to write a response to this person, and to anyone else with this mentality, as it seems to come up a lot when people try to justify their "support" for the gay and lesbian community and assume we are "flaunting" our sexuality when in fact, we are just trying to be like any other normal human being; trying to achieve our dreams, hopes, ambitions and to have a life filled with love and happiness. And so to that person and to people everywhere, here is my response:

I will blend in when... I can walk down the street holding hands with my partner without being called a dyke.

I will blend in when... I don't live in fear of being fired from my job for being gay

I will blend in when... I never have to introduce my partner as a "friend" again

I will blend in when... people accept that homosexuality is not a choice

I will blend in when... people stop using religion as a weapon against me

I will blend in when... when gender is about the person and not about their chromosomes

I will blend in when... I can be at my partner's side in the hospital during an emergency and make the same decisions as a husband or a wife.

I will blend in when... I can get married in ANY state

I will blend in when... I can adopt from ANY agency

I will blend in when... the words homo- and heterosexual become taboo

I will blend in when... everyone works together to fight against AIDS

I will blend in when... I can serve freely in the military

I will blend in when... I can dress and act how I wish, without judgment

I will blend in when... my family can be seen as any other family

I will blend in when... I send my children to school without fear of ridicule for having two mommies or two daddies

I will blend in when... I receive equal rights in the workplace for myself and my partner

I will blend in when... everyone can come together and focus on important issues like war, the environment, health care and global poverty

I will blend in when... my relationship is seen as normal and not immoral

I will blend in when... there's no such thing as a closet

I will blend in when... pride parades become an all-encompassing celebration of diversity

I will blend in when... people can look at each other as just a person, and not a result of their gender or how they identify

I will blend in when... everyone can look at everyone else as their equal

When will you blend in?

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Got guests arriving in 10 minutes and afraid you'll never be able to come up with anything current or interesting to talk about? Never fear! I whipped this up just for you. Even if you look at nothing else political this week, learn these headlines! Below is a veritable layered party dip of stories I am dying for you to know.

First, the beans. Like beans, this story just might give you indigestion.

LGBT folk anticipate particular hardship during poor economy.

Next, the guacamole. Smooth, creamy goodness.

Young voters vote Democratic and pro-gay.

On top of that, the sour cream. Sour cream and this story are favorite things of people with munchies.

Barney Frank (and I) totally, totally want you to decriminalize marijuana at the federal level, dude, like, seriously.

(Psssssst, hey Cali ladies! If Barney Frank's bill right there were to pass, anyone with a medicard could grow up to but no more than 6 plants legally (!) and never have to pay for the dankydank again. Urge your Congresspeople to sign before my . . . um . . . er . . . glaucoma! gets any worse. 6 plants would just about fix my s*** right up; wouldn't you agree, Doctor?)

We finish, of course, with the cheese!

You may or may not be able to tell the difference between John McCain and George Bush; what I want to know is, can you tell the difference between John McCain and an old carrot?

Serve with a salty, pointy tortilla chip of pain that will likely cause a 5-inch gash in your esophagus. (Dave Barry fans out there?)

Speculators knock OPEC off of oil-price perch.

OK, and one final LGBT soupçon in case you get hungry later.

Both sides raising big bucks over marriage amendment.

When you're full, put in fridge to chill, and then you take a nap.

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Hi everyone. As an anonymous reader of Lesbiatopia, I've noticed that many posts seem to address the issue of lesbian dating. It's something that no one understands, but everyone wishes they could define it. It's something we're all going to do, but it sure would be easier if everyone knew exactly what it is we're doing. I'm not here to answer the questions or solve the problem. I have been very unsuccessful at lesbian dating myself. But I'm on a mission to figure it out, and I thought you all might want to join me on this journey.



I'm going to be a lesbian secret agent. I'm going to enter the big scary world of lesbian dating to figure out what works and what doesn't. Ultimately, I want to find out if there's anyone out there for me. It's hard for me to find women that I'm attracted to. My friends say that I'm too picky. My mom thinks it's because deep down, I'm actually straight. But I think it's because I know what I really like. I know what turns me on, I know what kind of spark and chemistry that I want to find. I know what qualities my ideal partner will have, and I know how it will feel when I find someone who fits.

With help from some of my good friends, we have come up with the Lesbian Mission Impossible. I will go on 100 dates with 100 different women. I won't be too picky, because then I'd never get it done. But I'll go out on a date with any woman who asks me. And I will ask many of them out myself. Along the way, I'll try to figure out what it is that constitutes a lesbian date in the minds of the women I meet, and hopefully, I can come to some sort of conclusion in the end.

Although secretly, what I would really love is to find her. The woman of my dreams. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I believe in happily ever after. I believe that I can find one person who fits me and we can make it work for the rest of our lives. I have only been attracted a handful of people in my entire life, so I don't think there are very many out there with much potential. But if I try 100, surely there will be one or two, right?

Wish me luck - hopefully my mission won't be completely impossible. Feel free to offer your suggestions, and check back often for updates as I chronicle my adventures!

-L.

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The Cliks, a 4 member band from Toronto, Canada is making some big damn waves in musical pools. Besides churning out the hits from their latest CD, Snakehouse, (the videos for “Oh Yeah” and “Complicated” were both at #1 on Logo), The Cliks were also hand-picked by Ian Astbury of The Cult to support them on their recent American and Canadian tours.



Another music icon, Cyndi Lauper, also took notice of them and added them last year as well as this year to the True Colors tour lineup. True Colors is produced in conjunction with HRC and presented by Logo. HRC and this year’s other non-profit partners – CenterLink (the nation’s LGBT community centers) and Parents, Families, Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) National - are joining with the tour to bring together Americans across the country to voice their solidarity for LGBT equality and raise public awareness about the issues that face the LGBT community. The tour kicks off in Boston, MA on May 31. “Part of my mission with the True Colors tour was to provide a platform for some new and exciting acts. A band like The Cliks are all that and more. They are a force to be reckoned with and I am really excited to be sharing the stage with them.” said tour producer and creator, Cyndi Lauper. Lesbiatopia’s special projects editor, Sinnerviewer, recently spoke with Morgan Doctor, drummer for The Cliks:

Shannon: You just finished doing the long Jaegermeister tour opening for one of my favorite bands, The Cult. I read that they hand-picked you to open for them because they loved your sound. I’d love to hear your thoughts about that tour and share any good stories that you have.

Morgan: We sort of did 2 tours with them. One in the states and then, we just got finished doing a Canadian tour. We started in Portland and went all the way across Canada. We went into some really remote places like Grand Prairie. There were some really off the chart places in Canada. It was nice to do the tour with them and then, we went off to do our own thing, and then came back to tour with them again. They are really great guys. We had an amazing time with them. I think what we loved the most was being able to tour with just another rock band whose audience is , well, most of them hadn’t seen us. They didn’t know who we were. To just get up on stage and be received well every night just for our music and our live show - it was really rewarding.

A story? Let’s see… this last tour, there was one. We were in Calgary. We were there for 3 or 4 days because of the Juno’s (awards). We played 2 shows there. The next stop was Edmonton, an 8 hour drive. We were fartin’ around Calgary trying to leave and we were a little bit lost. I got this text from the bass player from The Cult and it said, “Hey, How’s it going? Where are you guys? I’m still in Calgary.” And I was thinking, “Oh, it’s a really nice day to stay in Calgary.” So he calls me up and says, “I missed the bus. I need to get to Edmonton. Can you guys give me a ride?” So he drove with us in the van. The difference between a bus and a van is enormous. It was sort of funny to have this rock star in our van, crashed out and then hanging out with us for the whole day. It was totally fun.

Shannon: You probably won his respect and reminded him of what it used to be like.

Morgan: Yeah, absolutely. I think they all really admired us as players and they really loved the music. We each kind of bonded with one of them. I really got along with the other drummer, Johnny. He played with Helmet and all kinds of incredible bands and people. It was a real honor for me to hear him say “I love your playing”. It was a great experience overall.

Shannon: Cyndi Lauper, she also hand-picked you for her True Colors Tour this year. I thought that was interesting because it shows an obvious pattern here. How does it make you feel to know that you’ve won the respect of all these accomplished musicians?

Morgan: It feels great. It’s really rewarding and it feels like things are happening at the right time. We’re ready for it. What seemed to happen was that Cyndi’s management got a hold of our stuff and really liked it. They played it for her and she really liked it. We were only scheduled to play something like 4 dates on last year’s tour. She had this press time meet-n-greet during the time that we were supposed to play. She moved it to another time so that she could watch us play. She saw us play and that was it! They started changing their schedules and started to move people so that they could add us to more dates on the tour. We seem to really win people over with our live show.

Shannon: That’s pretty impressive to do that. And not just with one person, but with so many people. The True Colors Tour – it’s a special tour. I really see the value of this tour very clearly right now.

I went to see Bon Jovi last week in Atlanta. The thing that struck me was how the band adjusted their pricing structure to their fan base growing older. None of us are 16 year old kids anymore. Most of the audience was suburbian soccer mom-types. Everything from ticket prices to shirts to programs was out of the ballpark when it came to cost. It was disgusting to me how they went from being a Jersey-boy rock band to this huge, corporate entity… a machine. I have to confess, it rubbed me the wrong way.

When I was reading the press release about The True Colors Tour and it’s affiliation with HRC, I learned that the proceeds from the shows will get into the hands of the organizations that work for the rights of all GLBT people. It made me wonder if, besides just promoting your music and expanding your fan base, was there anything that you all hope to accomplish as an act on this tour in that regard?

Morgan: Yeah. Well, I think it’s an honor to be asked to do a tour with such great acts that are on the bill like Cyndi Lauper, the B-52’s, Tegan & Sarah, Joan Jett. To be in that kind of company alone is an honor. I think it makes it even more special to be doing it for such a great cause. The last time we did the tour, it was a really powerful experience at the end of the show during the encore, everyone comes out and we sang “True Colors” together. It was just a very emotional moment when the song would stop and everyone would raise their fists on stage and then they’d shine the light on thousands of people in the audience. It was just this moment of, like, “Oh my God. We’re in this together. You guys are here and we are here on stage. We’re together in all of this.” It was so empowering. It makes it that much more rewarding and takes it out of the realm of being a job… to have a purpose that’s bigger than you.

Shannon: That’s a perfect way to phrase it. One thing that I do know about The Cliks and that is your reputation of having a huge rapport with your fans. You are known for, when your shows are over, to go out there and hang out with your fans. You guys also take an active role in maintaining your MySpace page. You always put up cute little home videos and sending out blog posts and bulletins. It got me wondering: why do you think so many other bands don’t bother to try to make and keep those connections with their fans?

Morgan: Hmmm… it is a lot of work, for one. It can be… when you’re out on the road. That’s pretty exhausting as it is. You’re with all of these other people in the band, you’re traveling all day and you haven’t eaten well. And then to put yourself out there where you have to be social and engaging with people – it can sometimes be a little too much. I don’t know why people don’t do it except for maybe it’s just a lot to manage. I think we’re lucky enough right now where we can sort of manage it. I can see maybe if things continue to grow, we might get to a place where we won’t really get to be out there with our fans as much as we’d like to. It just wouldn’t be possible, you know?

The MySpace is really the best tool to get out and connect to our fans as much as we can. To put up videos and stuff like that…that’s kind of what MySpace is all about – connecting with people. So I don’t know why other bands don’t do those things that help them connect (on a personal level) with their fans. Other than they just might be tired.

(Laughs)

Shannon: You all definitely use that tool well. I am fascinated by the fact that pretty much everybody I know who is a Cliks fan has at least one photo of them with the band.

Morgan: I think we’re also pretty humble people. We’re just down to earth. Maybe it’s just a Canadian thing. It’s just who we are as people. We’re not in it to boost our egos or to be some sort of stars or whatever and I think that when you get off stage and you walk down there and you’re selling your own merchandise, it’s just like, “Here we are. We’re just normal people, too.” I think that it’s just natural for us to engage with people that way.

Shannon: I gotta ask about the song.

Morgan: Okay.

Shannon: Nobody can stop talking about it: the SUV song.

Morgan: Right.

Shannon: I keep hearing about this song and it’s just creating a huge buzz. Can you tell me what’s going on with that?

Morgan: Well, this is a song that Lucas (Silveira, the lead vocalist for The Cliks) wrote for an album of a different incarnation of The Cliks years ago. It was self-titled and put out independently. That song was on there. We decided to just try to play the song again but we totally changed it. It’s a whole other song, basically. Lyrically, it’s the same. Musically, it’s totally new. I think that he wrote that in response to seeing a high-profile band that had done really well and they stopped playing for a while and then they came back to playing and they were riding around in L.A. with their big SUV’s . This is a “socially conscious” band. And he was like, "What's going on here?" - that's how it came about.

Shannon: That one is going to be on the next CD, you think?

Morgan: Yeah, hopefully.

Shannon: Speaking of that next CD (even though I know you all are currently promoting your latest CD, (Snakehouse), when can your fans expect that?

Morgan: Well, if all goes as planned, which often it doesn’t, I can tentatively say that we’re going to try to record it in the fall, which means that it would probably be out in the early spring like February or March.

Shannon: What’s in your iPod, Morgan?

Morgan: What’s in my iPod?

Shannon: Yeah. I always have to know because I’m so interested in what everybody is listening to.

Morgan: I’ve been listening a lot to the new Stars album. A band from Canada. I’m a big Death Cab for Cutie fan. I have some Dave Brubeck stuff… some jazz. The Cocteau Twins, The Pretenders. The Cure.

Shannon: I like The Cure but they’re kind of depressing. Not something you can listen to in the winter.

Morgan: (laughs) Yeah, you don’t want to. It’s dangerous.

Shannon: Tell me about how you got involved with The Canadian Council of Jury for Grants and what kind of work you did there?

Morgan: I was asked to be on the Jury for granting musicians who are professional musicians in the non-classical category. It’s a peer-assessment committee. I’ve gotten a few grants on my own when I went to study in California with my guru and I got another grant to compose my own work. I have a solo album out and it was to compose music for my second album which I am finishing up right now.

They ask people who have gotten grants to be the peers on the assessment committee. They flew me out to Ottawa and it was a great experience. There were just 3 of us and we juried a bunch of applicants who were trying to get some music either to compose or to do travel grants. A lot of them want to go to far away places like India or Mumbai to study more their art form. Usually, it’s in the World Music category so people are studying all kinds of instruments and things that are non-traditional and harder to learn about. You can’t just go to a university for it. I found it really rewarding. I’m also just amazed at the talent that there is in Canada. It’s just really incredible.

Shannon: So was that a one-time deal or do you get invited back later?

Morgan: It was a one-time deal so far but they may ask me to come back. But they try to pick different people for different juries.

Shannon: What a great way to handle that – to leave those decisions in the hands of other professionals who’ve received grants and not in the hands of bureaucrats. (Nice system, Canada.)

You are working on your solo album. What projects are the other members of The Cliks working on right now?

Morgan: I don’t think much, actually. We’ve been really busy focusing mainly on this band. We don’t have time to do much else. Jen plays in a folk band called “August”. Nina, the band that she was playing with, she basically had to drop that so she could play in The Cliks. We haven’t really been home for really a month or two at the longest period of time so it makes it really hard to get into something and then have to leave it. Sometimes, I’ll pick up gigs when I’m in town, but it’s tough to do much else.

Shannon: My girlfriend really wants to know if you and Jen are an item…

Morgan: (Laughs) No.

Shannon: She said, “Well, when I saw them, Jen was playing with Morgan’s hair.

Morgan: (laughs) Jen does that to everybody.

Shannon: Since our readers are mostly lesbians, I’ve got to ask… is there anybody who is single among you Cliks?

Morgan: Nina is single. The rest of us are in pretty long-term relationships.

(Hear that, ladies? Nina is single! Go buy your True Colors tour tickets and introduce yourself!)

Shannon: Who are the chicks that you find smokin’ hot?

Morgan: PJ Harvey & Jennifer Garner.

Shannon: I could not agree more with Jennifer Garner…very nice. The last burning, pressing question that I have for you is what is your favorite junk food?

Morgan: I’m a really healthy eater so even my junk food is sort of healthy.

Shannon: I watched the video on your MySpace page of you all going through your groceries and saw all of that healthy stuff. It is important for everyone who reads this to know what you consider junk food.

Morgan: I’m really into these wheat-free, dairy-free Oreo-type cookies by Newman’s Own. Those are great. I’d have to say that right now, those are my favorite.

Shannon: I shall have to try them. Thanks for your time, Morgan.

The Cliks have been nominated for Logo's New, Now, Next Awards in the "Brink of Fame: Music Artist" category. You can click HERE to cast your vote.

Enjoy Sinnerviewer's favorite Cliks video, Complicated:

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One of our readers contacted Lesbiatopia Monday, informing us about a developing story coming out of the Philadelphia suburb of Haverford Township, PA.

It seems the parents of a 9-year-old third-grade student approached school administrators on April 16 to ask for help in making a "social transition" for their transgendered child. The Haverford School District then consulted with some experts on the subject of trangenderism in children, among them, an organization called TransYouth Family Allies, to get advice on how they should proceed.



Haverford School District officials came up with a plan that called for notifying the parents and about 100 third-grade students at the child’s school to tell them that they would be holding an information session for the students to explain why their classmate would now wear girls' clothes and be called by a girl's name.

While it seems this student classmates have taken it all in stride and really don’t think it a big deal, not so some of these third graders parents.

I spoke yesterday with Ms. Shannon Garcia of TransYouth Family Allies on the phone about all of this.

Shannon, a mother of six, has an 8-year-old transgendered daughter who was born a boy; she is the president of TransYouth Family Allies, an organization she Co-Founded in 2006.

Ms Garcia told me that the non-profit organization has provided educational and referral services to at least 65 other families with children who have gender dysphoria or gender identity issues in the past. The Haverford School District and the child’s parents sought help in addressing the matter and thus contacted TransYouth Family Allies to help them formulate a plan to make their child's transition easier. She said a decision was made that a counselor would talk to the third-graders about their transgendered classmate because of anticipated questions that would arise when the child arrived at school in girl's attire after previously dressing as a boy.

Things were going well until several of the other student's parents got upset. Eight of them called the schools principal to ask that their child not attend the session. One went on a local blog expressing displeasure at the School Districts decision to discuss this with the students. It was not long after that other parents went to the local Philadelphia media outlets. On Saturday the Philadelphia Inquirer ran a story where they named the child's school, while the local paper the Delco Times showed they respected the child's privacy and refused to do so. Monday, the local CBS Television affiliate had a remote truck camped outside the school, trying to get parents and students reactions along with a shot of the student herself.

While researching this story I found out from a local blogger that one parent has even gone as far as to contact Fred Phelps from the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, who is well-known in LGBT communities for picketing gay pride events and funerals. Several right wing and white supremest sites have also weighted in on all of this today and there has been an abundance of homophobic comments and downright hateful language on these forums.

It doesn't matter what people's opinion on the subject is, this is a 9-year-old child, whose mother has aided in a decision regarding the identity of their gender, and the bottom line is that this child has the right to be protected, both in and out of school.

While I am not an expert in an way on transgender issues, speaking with Ms. Garcia about her struggle in dealing with it in her own life, she spoke words and expressed feelings that resonates with each and every one of us in the LGBT community:

"I have yet to meet a parent who did not fight this kicking and screaming," she said. "None of us want this for our children, none of us want to go there, but it gets to the point where it's not a choice anymore."

Ms. Garcia says letting her own child dress and act as a girl was the right decision.

"I went from a suicidal child to a child who tries out for a lead part in the play," she said. "I knew society wasn't going to be accepting, but my choices were, do this and have a happy, alive girl or have an unhappy, dead boy. So we did what we needed." As a mother I can so understand where she was coming from.

As a mother and a lesbian I had to ask myself, what would I do if one of my girls told me one day that she was really my son? That her “gender identity” was not matching her “assigned gender”? Knowing what I did about my own struggles with sexual orientation, I knew that from as far back as I can remember, I was attracted to other girls and that my first crush, at 8 years old, was on one of my female classmates. While I know gender identity and sexual orientation are two entirely separate matters, I also know that some nine year olds have to deal with these kinds of issues. Would I do what these parents in Pennsylvania did when they went to the school to spare their child the years of abuse, bullying and misery, because they are different and their classmate fear and misunderstand them?

You bet your sweet ass I would.

Ms. Garcia told me that the reason this information session was held at the school was that it was thought that if you educate children early and teach them that all people are different, hopefully they will learn to be tolerant of those differences. They will learn that their friend is still their friend but that he is now a she, and that's perfectly ok. No one was trying to push any agenda, they were simply trying to explain the definition of what being transgendered is to avoid any confusion in the future.

In preparing this article I learned a lot about transgenderism that I did not know before I started. I also was quite pleased to find out that there is an organization out there like TransYouth Family Allies and school administrators like the ones in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania that will place a child needs first.

On February 12, 2008, a 15-year-old trangendered student at E.O. Green Junior High School in Oxnard, California, named Larry King was shot and killed by a classmate. Brandon McInerney, that classmate has been charged with murder. Two lives were destroyed in that tragedy of ignorance. Hopefully TransYouth Family Allies and the school administrators in Haverford Township have prevented that from happening again by holding this info session.

Change starts at home, but unfortunately, a lot of parents are not open to educating both themselves and their children on GLBT issues. It is great that the kids in Haverford Township, Pennsylvania have responded so well to the information session but is also unfortunate and sad that the parents did not. To see these parents respond with hate, homophobia and bigotry just goes to show that equality and tolerance are still a long way away.

Interested in learning more about transgender individuals and gender identity, here is a great Q&A from the American Psychological Association

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There's a phrase I've heard over and over in the lesbian community, that seems to be the underlying reason for everything we do: "We're lesbians. It's complicated." Whether it be moving in together, sleeping with our exes, or the rampant gossip among our circles of friends, we lesbians seem to be rife with drama. There are times when I embrace this as merely a side-effect of massive amounts of estrogen, but lately I've been thinking that sometimes the drama overpowers common sense and reason.

Here's the thing that I think we forget: NOT EVERY WOMAN IS A POTENTIAL DATE. Read that line again.

As women, we are relational creatures, and need friends in our lives. Unfortunately, both our best friends and our most passionate lovers look very much the same. Unlike our heterosexual counterparts, who find friends and lovers in opposite genders, we must decipher from body language and chemistry and feelings and attraction whether a woman we meet could be a partner or a pal.

I believe that many lesbian women fall into the trap of allowing the first option to be the default. They see everyone woman as a possibility, and if it doesn't work, well, then we could be friends. This is faulty logic. It can lead to damaged friendships (or potential friendships) and heartache when we try to have relationships that we've failed to evaluate. If they had waited a little longer, gone out a few more times, they would have realized that it wasn't going to work. But now someone's broken someone's heart, it will be awkward for a while when everyone hangs out. Purely hypothetical situation, of course.

I propose an alternative. I believe that the best model is to view every woman we meet as a potential friend. This way, we will take the time to get to know her and evaluate how she best fits in our lives. Also, we wouldn't have to deal with petty jealousies - we could have friendships with women we meet, even if they have girlfriends! I also think that it will open more people to friendships, because there wouldn't be that awkward she likes me, but I don't like her... does she think this is a date or are we just friends? Granted, that's also due to lack of communication in the lesbian dating process. But that's an article for another time.

The best result of this approach is that the relationship which due flourish will be that much stronger because they originated as friendships. I heard a quote a long time ago that I've used often but never properly attributed (because I don't know who originally said it), but it's become one of my favorites: "Love is friendship on fire." The best foundation for a lasting relationship is friendship. Passion waxes and wanes, but the stability of the trust, respect, and love of a friendship will keep us strong through the hard times.

It can be hard to change our mentalities, especially when we're single. I would encourage each of us, though, to pay attention to our reactions when we meet new women. Do you scope them out and immediately rate them as a potential partner? I know I do sometimes. If you're like me, let's start thinking more about the friendships that we can develop with other lesbian women. As we develop a network of friends who truly care about us and love us, we will have a built-in support group that can help us through any storm life (and drama!) may bring us.

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One of the really grand things about writing for Lesbiatopia is that we have managed to acquire press credentials that gives us access to places and people many would not really expect a bunch of dykes with day jobs and a blog to have.

Armed with these press credentials, we also tend to turn up in some of the darnedest places asking news makers some very interesting questions, so I am pretty sure that former President Bill Clinton certainly did not to expect to encounter a couple of us in rural Eastern North Carolina today asking him about his past sins on LGBT issues in an open press session.



Lest any of you have missed the news in the past couple of weeks, my home state of North Carolina has become one the two critical states in the Democratic Primaries for President of the United States, so we have been seeing a lot of the candidates and their proxies. Today I took a road trip, traveling to the town of New Bern, North Carolina to catch up with one of those proxies; Former President Bill Clinton.

You see Bill Clinton has been on a bit of a road trip himself here in Eastern North Carolina, his stop in New Bern was the second of nine he had planned in North Carolina on the eve of this very crucial primary. He has been traveling the back roads, visiting small towns and I am sure sampling the cuisine at our local barbecue joints.

New Bern is located about 90 miles North of Wilmington, NC and has a population of about 27,000 people, a large portion of that population, military retirees because of it close location to Cherryhill Marine Corps Air Station.

Bill began this stop on his last-minute campaign pitch for his wife's presidential bid by saying "We came here because people like you in places this have kept us going," the former president said. "You and I both know that Hillary has been declared dead in this campaign more times than a cat's got lives ... and she's still here".

Clinton was quick to defend his wife's proposed gas-tax holiday when he was asked if she was not pandering on this issue just to get votes, saying that it was part of the solution to a serious problem and he said "She was not pandering; she was telling the truth… She has both a short-term and a long-term response, adding that she would call for an investigation into testimony already given to Congress on the matter. "People are having to choose whether to fill their tanks or buy food," he said. "There's nothing wrong with trying to give them a little relief."

He was then asked about his wife’s health care plan and said the United States is spending more in medical treatment than European countries that provide universal health care. Health care should cost a "low, fixed percentage" of a person's income, he said. "Providing affordable health care to every American ... is the only way to stop the cost from exploding," he said. "No one can bring the economy back if the cost of health care doubles every seven years."

Then it was my turn…. And I asked him about his part in the creation of Don’t Ask. Don’t Tell…

Boy did I piss him off and I think I know how Chris Wallace of Fox News must have felt when he asked questions in an interview that Bill did not really want to answer.

Being deaf, a picture is worth a thousand words to me, so I took one of Bill Clinton's reaction to my question…


The look he gave me was nothing short of priceless, I even got the famous Bill Clinton finger wag as he explained that Don’t Ask, Don’t tell was a product of the times and had been offered as a compromise to keep Colin Powell happy and that Mrs. Clinton would fix it and make it all better.

I came away with the distinct impression that acknowledging that his wife would do anything for gay rights while he was speaking to small town Eastern North Carolinians and Military Retirees was something the ex president would have really rather not done.

I am also pretty sure that he told the Secret Service not to let me get anywhere near him again.

Bill spent the rest of his time in New Bern standing on the back of a red Chevy pick up truck explaining to the 200 or so local folks that had gathered to hear him speak he was a small town good ol boy and trying to convince them that is why they should vote for his wife.

Pissing off Bill Clinton… Just another service offered by your friends here at Lesbiatopia.

God I love this job.

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Since I started writing for this blog, I’ve wanted to write something about one of my favorite shows, Grey’s Anatomy. The problem was that I could never figure out what to say about Grey’s that would fit the theme of a website called “Lesbiatopia.” I mean, I could go on about how hot Kate Walsh is, but that’s kind of like telling you that the sky is blue… and anyway, she’s not technically on the show anymore. I could relate stories about how my friend and I used to watch this show, and rank the girls in order of hotness. (Addison usually won, followed by Callie.) But let's pretend that I’m not really that shallow.

However, thanks to this week’s episode, which I’m sure has already inspired tons of fan fic, I can legitimately write about Grey’s Anatomy on a site called “Lesbiatopia.”



It seems as though Ms. Rhimes and her cohorts have finally run out of combinations of people who can sleep together on this show, leaving themselves with no choice but to resort to – gasp – lesbianism! For those of you out of the loop, or even those of you who prefer to watch Tina Fey over Patrick Dempsey on Thursday nights, I’ll fill you in. It seems our girl Callie, who is recently divorced from George (after he cheated on her with Izzie), has unwittingly fallen for her new colleague – heart surgeon extraordinaire and Cristina’s alias nemesis, Erica Hahn. The two have been seen gal-paling around the hospital, sharing drinks at Joe’s, and polishing off intimate bottles of wine in Cristina's living room. The catch is Callie doesn’t seem to know she’s fallen for Erica, and doesn’t want to know. Addison, in all of her special guest star wisdom, points this out to us by asking Callie about Hahn, which causes her to collapse in a fit of giggles and to continually stammer the word “penis.” Later, Callie attempts to further prove her heterosexuality by going home from Joe’s with Sloane, which unfailingly makes Erica jealous. You got all that? Good, now we can talk about it.

Undoubtedly, this episode will raise many questions among fans, critics, and many others who overanalyze television. If some of the forum posters on Television Without Pity are to be believed, Grey’s does indeed have a political agenda, and is using this storyline as a soapbox to preach about gay rights. Others on the forums are convinced that the writers are turning Hahn into a manipulative bitch, because she is seducing a woman who claims to be heterosexual. Critics for publications such as Entertainment Weekly are a bit disgruntled about the fact that Grey’s is following a trend started by many other TV shows and movies, by using “late on set lesbianism” as a “plot device.”

However, I’m going to go out on a limb here and presume that the crafty folks over in the Grey’s Anatomy writers’ room are doing none of the above. Grey’s has always included its share of gay, lesbian and transgendered characters, mostly in the form of patients at the hospital. It’s perfectly plausible that a character like Callie could find herself falling for a close friend like Erica – especially on a show where romantic entanglements are the name of the game. Remember, this is the same girl who rushed into a shotgun marriage with George, and then fought like hell to keep him around, even though she knew deep down that they weren’t right for each other. She even managed to completely mess up her job as chief resident in the process. She doesn’t strike me as someone who is completely sure what she wants in life OR love. As for Hahn, well, all we know about her is that she does heart surgeries and likes to torture Cristina.

It seems as though this storyline may be just what this show needs to get back to the top of its game. Let’s face it – recent plot developments, as well as all of the rotating cast members have rendered Grey’s downright lame in the past few months. Addison’s departure, the death of Meredith’s mother, Joe’s mysterious disappearance, and the addition of Meredith’s boring sister have certainly not helped things. A new romance between two characters who have never tried to date before (as opposed to Derek and Meredith getting back together for the 47th time) is just what this show needs. It certainly helps, too, that Sara Ramirez and Brooke Smith have more chemistry in one scene together than Patrick Dempsey and Ellen Pompeo have had in four years of scenes together.


Besides all of the giggly, squee-worthiness of a developing lesbian relationship with good chemistry (and hot women), what is most remarkable about this storyline is how unremarkable it is – at least in its own fictional world. In the grand scheme of television, including a happy lesbian couple formed out of two regular, semi-lead characters on a prime time, network, top ten drama is HUGE. Sure, thanks to the legacy of Will & Grace, gay men are popping up in more places than ever before (at least, they are on ABC) - places like Brothers and Sisters, Ugly Betty, and Desperate Housewives. The only place we usually see lesbians are in the form of guest stars during sweeps, and on cable reality shows. However, in the fictional world of Seattle Grace, one more new romance, whatever form it’s going to take, is just a part of everyday life. Nobody even gave it a second thought when Joe introduced us to his boyfriend, and I suspect that if Callie and Erica become an item, the only person who will think it’s extraordinary is Callie herself – which is exactly the way it should be.

I can only hope that I’m right in my predictions, and that the writers actually are leading us to the climax (no pun intended) this developing story arc suggests. Hopefully, this time will be different from all of the other times network television has attempted to realistically portray lesbian characters, and they won’t drop this storyline once all of the sweeps dust settles. Despite my recent apathy towards this show, I’m once again putting my faith in Shonda and co., and I hope they come up with something great.

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